Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. Blah blah blah, it's also really f&*king frustrating.
Especially for us girls. Biologically as girls, we all ache to love and to be loved in return.
We're stuck in this conundrum of desperately trying to find love, but cursing it as soon as we even come close.
We find ourselves questioning why can some girls find love as easily as they can snap a selfie, and others of us just can't seem to get it right.
- Right Guy, Wrong Time: We all know the scenario. Things are going spectacular. You and your significant other start dating for a few months, you develop strong feelings for this person, you meet the family, then bam – reality hits you.
Being with them becomes more of a chore. Date nights turn into cancellations, cancellations turn into hurt feelings. You don't put in the effort you once did – not because you don't want to, but because time doesn't allow you to. You're going to school, you're going to work, you're hanging with friends.
You want to be with this person, but time isn't on your side with this one. You invest all these feelings and this time into someone and start to lose focus of yourself. Things end.
- Patience: As women, we love to love. We're constantly looking for it: at social events, through mutual friends, on Twitter, on Facebook, and Tinder.
We want to love every guy we come in contact with. Most oftentimes, we're dating someone because can really see a future with them. But we also rush it. We think we've found this great guy and force our love onto them. We get so wrapped up in the thought of being in love, we'll give it to anyone and throw it on them like a ton of bricks.
News flash: men don't operate this way. Men see things in short-term and good things take time to flourish. Patience is a virtue. If we want something to last and be worthwhile, we have to take a step back and let it happen naturally.
- The "Ex" Situation: Moving onto new relationships is exceedingly difficult if you're stuck in the past – or, stuck daydreaming about your last relationship. Whether the ex had good traits or mostly bad ones, as women we have a nasty habit of comparing our new guy to the old one.
But remember that just like last season's favorite outfit, there's a reason your ex is your ex. He's part of your past for a reason. So leave him there! In that same vain, your new guy is not your old one.
So quit comparing them! Just because he has the same style or same haircut does't mean he's going to walk out on you in the middle of the night like your ex did. Every person is different and so is every relationship.
Let your new guy be his own person and treat you (and grow with you) how he knows how. Let your relationship be unique and unjaded.
- Self Consciousness: No matter if we like to admit it or not, we're all self conscious about something. Whether it's our body, ability to trust, self worth, or just our hair. We're girls and we're very hard on ourselves.
You may question if he thinks you're x, y, z enough. If he thinks you're funny enough, sexy enough, cool enough. Bottom line is: No one is half as hard on us as we are on ourselves. He likes you! Accept it.
Let go of the self consciousness and realize that you're likable – even lovable. Love will find its way in.
- Stuck In The Past: Getting over an ex (or not getting over an ex) is one of the hardest things we go through. They say time heals all, but does it really? Sometimes we refuse to give any guy a fair chance because part of us hopes that history will be re-written and the ex will come back a new man. Wrong!
He most likely won't. Like I've said a million times and I'll say it again, when you're not completely over someone, dating becomes that more painful.
Give your new guy the first chance your ex had and screwed up. Let go. Most importantly, don't be foolish with someone else's heart if you don't have a full grasp of your own.
- The "Unable to Be Loved" Syndrome: Some of us actually think we're incapable of being loved. We fear abandonment, so we end things before they get too far.
When things start to get rough, you freeze. You automatically assume they don't love you anymore and they're going to leave.
Some of them will, but most of them won't. If they're a good guy and really want to be with you, they will be – no matter the circumstances.
