It’s one of the great inevitabilities of the universe—like waiting in line at the dmv, Leonard DiCaprio’s next Oscar snub, or your favorite TV show being canceled. Eventually you will receive the news that your BFF is getting married, while you are getting…still single.
Unless, of course, you’re the BFF that got married first, in which case none of this applies because the universe smiles upon you, and we’re all so happy for you, whatever.
But, if you’re like the rest of us, you will eventually face that great eventuality. And when you do, being prepared for these 7 things may help you cope a little better.
1. Meal times
When you eat at their house it will probably be at an actual table with actual table settings using actual human manners rather than a TV tray or your lap with a folded paper towel straddling your leg. It may not seem like much, but it’s amazing how unaccustomed to table conversation we’ve become. So, maybe start practicing now.
2. Hangouts
You’ll suddenly find your self perpetually self-conscious about whether or not you are actually welcome company. You may even feel like you are always interrupting certain…couple activities. Like. Are they just waiting for you to leave so they can get it on? It doesn’t matter how much they tell you that you are not the third wheel, you are. The two main wheels may still talk to you and treat you as though you are just as important as they are but come on…we all know the truth. One wheel needs another wheel, and tricycles are for babies and scary kids in horror flicks.
3. Schedules, all of a sudden
You’re like, “Hey let’s go see a movie,” and they’re like, “Sorry, I can’t, it’s grocery day.”
…..
What? You get married and all of a sudden there’s a “grocery day”? Just go and get one item at a time as needed every day multiple times a day like a normal person!
4. You think about your own future much more
This becomes especially true if/when they have their first kid. You’ll probably have this moment of fear where you wonder if you’ll be single forever and gradually adopt that weird aunt/uncle status. You know. That long-time friend of the family who is also sort of like family and is single and what’s wrong with them anyway…
5. They sometimes get weird
So, this won’t happen with every friend. But I guarantee that you will see this happen eventually. It’s a dichotomy of self—a sort of compartmentalization. Like a Horcrux! But a little less evil. The old self comes out when you’re around an old group of friends or it’s just you two hanging out like the old days. But when the significant other is around, the new person comes out, and you’re like, “Woah. Who are you all of a sudden.”
6. Bonus friend
On a more optimistic note, really take the time to get to know your BFF’s spouse if you don’t already know them very well. They married them (hopefully), because of compatible qualities. So you may find that some of the things you like most about your BFF are mirrored in their spouse, and once you get past the feelings of jealousy because they stole your best friend, you’ll probably get along very well!
7. Your relationship can grow richer
Sure, you may not do the same things you used to do. Staying up all night binge watching Breaking Bad and binge eating Totino’s pizza evolves into heart to heart coversations over coffee about the future and family and making your life count for something.
The bottom line is, the relationship will change when your friend gets married. If you keep your feet obsinately planted in the past and fight the inevitalbe, you’re setting yourself up for misery and possibly even losing a friend. Insead, embrace change—learn from it and grow from it. You’re honestly only as ostracized and third-wheeled as you let yourself feel.
