If you have (or had) a baby in the NICU, you may have heard some awful, offensive comments. Here’s a list of the worst offenders.
- “Enjoy the sleep before he comes home”
This one is amazing. Do you think I am sleeping comfortably in my bed all night? I am stressed and emotional so I can’t sleep. On top of that, I am up every 2 hours pumping. Plus, I would rather be home and up all night long with my healthy baby than here in the NICU.
- “Don’t worry, he won’t remember”
Ok, sure. Perhaps you are right that he won’t remember. But I know I will. I will remember all the moments stolen away from me.
- “Good thing you have two – just in case.”
This one was supplied to me by a NICU mom of twins. Someone actually implied that if she lost one baby, at least she’d have the other one. Because really, who needs 2?
- “It could be worse”
Yes, it could be worse. Pointing this out doesn’t help me right now. And by saying so, you are invalidating my emotions.
- Referring to Mom as “a cow, a dairy farm, a milk factory” or making comments like “having trouble with your supply?” Or, “losing your supply?” (And really, any comment about nursing or milk supply unless your comment is “good job Mama”)
Does this one need commentary? It’s rude. It’s inappropriate. It’s unnecessary.
- “You’re spoiling him by holding him too much”
If I was still pregnant with him, I would be holding him 24/7. If I want to hold him 24/7, I have that right.
- NICU Staff: “We’re his parents now”
I already wrote about this in the 7 Emotions of a NICU Mom but it’s my classic example. A staff member told me that the staff was my baby’s parents now and that I would take over parenting when my son was released from the hospital. This really offended me. I am his mother. I am making choices for him. I carried him for 7 months. He is my child – how dare you take that role away from me!
There you have it. The worst things to say to NICU parents.
