*This is just my experience on antidepressants. Other peoples' experience may vary widely from this. Please share your own experiences, good, bad, or ugly, in the comments. The more we share, the weaker the stigma becomes surrounding mental health issues.*
Despite what a lot of people may think, it’s not easy going to your doctor to ask for anti-depressants. Imagine the conversation. Hi, there’s nothing terribly traumatic or difficult about my life, but I need drugs to get through my day-to-day…
For those out there who, like me, can barely ask for help moving heavy objects, the realization that you really might need medication just to function is beyond crippling. Being an avid fix-it-yourself gal, I went to my doctor very against going on any sort of medication. I wanted to get through it with just the help of therapy.
As life would have it, you just don’t always get what you want. Knowing my family history of depression and after putting me through a few tests, my doctor decided that continuing without any medication was simply not an option. After a few minutes of convincing, I reluctantly agreed to try Cymbalta just to see if it helped. To my great surprise, it really did change my entire life for the better, but there are a few tidbits of information I’d like to share about my experience to help anyone out there considering antidepressants.
1. Not all antidepressants make you gain weight.
Being the super well-adjusted person I am, I not only have depression, but I’m also a recovering anorexic. Since my metabolism slowed way down after I started eating again, the last thing I wanted was to gain more weight. And when I say that, I mean the thought of gaining another ounce gave me the overwhelming urge to restrict calories. It was always basically common knowledge to me that antidepressants cause weight gain. I voiced this concern to my doctor, and calmly explained to him that “if I gain another five pounds, I’m going to put a bullet in my brain.” Luckily, he heeded the warning and prescribed Cymbalta, which is not notorious for weight gain. In fact, after a few weeks on the medicine, I even started losing weight because I had energy and I wasn’t consuming a ton of unnecessary calories.
2. Antidepressants do not work overnight.
As great as it might be if such a thing existed, there’s not a pill that magically takes away your depression. It takes at least two weeks for most people to feel any different.
3. The transition period can be pretty rough.
I’ve never had any problem with any medications in my adult life. Antibiotics don’t make me sick or give me yeast infections. I don’t have any allergies to any major antibiotics, and I can take things with or without food and be completely fine. That was until Cymbalta royally fucked my shit up for two-three weeks.
4. Did I say pretty rough? It’s really God-damn rough…
My pharmacist advised that I start taking the medication at night because it can make you really drowsy. I took my first pill at about 11 pm, and I went to bed only to wake up about three hours later because I was sweating. Mind you, this was the middle of February and I live in a basement so night sweats aren’t ever really a great sign. I immediately kicked off the covers and turned on a fan. My room still felt like a sauna and my stomach started cramping. Foreseeing the explosive diarrhea that was about to take place, I went to the bathroom. Moving around made me feel like I was in the middle of a desert during summer. I was so hot and sweaty and I stripped all my clothes off. At this point I was starting to get dizzy and nauseated, and my anxiety was kicking in hardcore. I was pretty sure I was having an allergic reaction, and my family would find me dead and naked on the shitter. I now understood why antidepressants have the reputation of causing suicidal thoughts. If this continued, I’d pray for the sweet release of death too.
5. You have to stay on them consistently.
Before getting on antidepressants, I’d never had a suicidal thought in my life. I’d wondered who’d care if I died, sure; but I never wanted it. I’m one of those people who constantly forgets to take medication. Unless I have something actively bothering me, it just slips my mind. If I miss my pills for even as little as a day, I can feel the repercussions both emotionally and physically. If I miss the pill for two or three days, I can easily become so withdrawn and down on life that I’ll find myself wanting to end it. Even rationalizing those thoughts by thinking that my friends and family would be better off without me.
6. They don’t take your bad days away; they just make it easier to cope.
Unfortunately, there’s no magic cure for mental disorders like depression. Antidepressants won’t take away your depression, but it can make the symptoms easier to deal with. They help muffle the sound of the voice in your head that tells you nothing is worth it. They help remind you that a bad day is just a bad day, and it’s not a bad life.
7. They make you feel like yourself again.
When I was suffering from undiagnosed depression, I was a shell of myself. I went through the motions every day, interacted with people as necessary, and phoned in the rest. Physically, I was present; mentally, I was in too much pain to be present. The medicine helped relieve that so I could actively participate in my life again. I no longer go to things just because I have to; I want to go out and laugh and visit with people.
Struggling with depression isn’t easy for me, but it has gotten better over the years and with the help of the right treatment. If you or anyone you know is struggling, please reach out for help from the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255.
