For women, the pressure to be perfect comes from all sides. We dream of being these goddesses of beauty and grace, always poised, always lovely, never losing our calm. We want to be cool, yet approachable, effortlessly chic and gorgeous every moment, of every day. This impossible ideal is so obviously unattainable, and while we never expect it from others, we punish ourselves when we don’t reach it. Instead of wasting time and trying to become perfect, it’s much better to relax and enjoy what we already are. Here are a few tips to help you along.
Find a purpose in life
Sitting around the house listlessly and wondering why are we so terrible isn’t going to get us anywhere. Every human being needs a goal, something that will keep us focused, even when we’re down and don’t feel like doing anything. Don’t start with a big goal, though, start with something small and then build up slowly. The first thing you can do is promise to write down one good thing about yourself every day. As the list starts growing, you can gradually make bigger plans.
Spend time doing things that interest you
Regardless of what you do for a living, you should never lose sight of your dreams and passions. Indulge your interests and if you really love doing something, build knowledge on that subject and learn any skill that you can. Perhaps one day you can even do it for a living.
Enjoy sex more
This is something every woman should do. Times are changing and female sexuality is no longer a taboo subject. Don’t suffer through bad relationships and bad sex – you deserve to enjoy yourself. Sex is a great way to connect to someone and instead of fretting about your wrinkles and cellulite, you should relax already. Find a good partner who will respect you, then try out some innovative sex toys on him. Pleasure him, making weak in the knees, make him beg for you. It will make you feel powerful. You absolutely deserve that, to enjoy your body, to do whatever you please with it, to experiment and discover things that turn you on.
Stop thinking about yourself
You walk down the street and feel like everyone is looking at your bad hairdo. You exercise at the gym and worry that everyone there is judging your flabby arms. Well, there’s something you need to know: no one cares. It’s a pretty safe bet that 90% of the time no one is even paying attention to you, let alone your flaws. People mostly worry about themselves and their own problems and unless you point it out, no one is going to care about your imperfections. Get out of your own head, and just focus on what you are doing, not how you look while doing it.
Use positive reinforcement
People make mistakes, and the problem is rarely the mistake itself – it’s your attitude about it. If you beat yourself up every day because you didn’t work enough, didn’t exercise enough, failed a test, messed up at work, or any other silly reason, well then you won’t really improve anything. You’ll become more nervous, scared, and more prone to making the same mistakes. Instead of being so harsh, try to remember that anything can be fixed with some effort. You must be kind to yourself. Instead of harsh critique, examine the situation, learn from it, and then do better next time. Reward yourself every time you do something good, and you’ll start being able to deal with things much better.
Do something that you’ve been putting off
Whether it’s a chore, or calling back your parents, you’ll feel better if you finish an obligation. The guilt won’t nag at you and you’ll be able to relax and maybe even treat yourself to something nice.
Cut out toxic people from your life
Sometimes your bad self-esteem is made worse by someone who is miserable and enjoys nothing more than to make passive-aggressive comments and treat others badly. You might not always recognize these people because they can be subtle, but if you feel bad every time after you see them, something’s not right. It’s very important to surround yourself with people who love and understand you, and who’ll support you no matter what you choose to do in life. Get away from people who are going to nag and put you down and make you feel inferior.
A little kindness goes a long way, and if being nice to yourself is too big of a challenge, then start by being kind to others. Take a piece of paper and write down what kind of qualities you would like to posses, then slowly work on them. You need to have realistic expectations, however, and realize that changing things takes time. With a little effort, a lot of love, and some careful planning, you can learn to let go of that fear and anxiety and start accepting yourself.
