You’re a perfectly nice girl, right?
I mean you’re pretty, you work out, and you’re independent, have a great job or are an astute student and are ALWAYS there for your friends. So why does it seem like everyone else is getting married or engaged and you are alone in the corner sipping on a long island… Ugh! You think to yourself:
“What’s wrong with me?”—all guys must be stupid. Or blind..OR BOTH. Has he SEEN the the glutes on you? You squat like 4 times a week! It has nothing to do with you… or does it?
Why don’t we take a second and OWN some of the mistakes we make…. if you’re having a hard time figuring it out how you are sabotaging your love life… here are some clues:
1. You are trying WAY too hard…
Did you really need to get eyelash extensions for your first date? I’m sure he appreciates the effort made to look good…but you might also make the mistake of seeming like you are WAY TOO high maintenance. Unless that’s what you were going for… and in that case, maybe you should be on sugardaddy.com, since you are looking for someone to take care of you and deal with your brattiness. Too much makeup or wearing eyelashes that look like your going to fly away when you blink translates into being a high maintenance bitch. Guys appreciate your natural beauty– and definitely want to see what you look like without the preparations for a beauty pageant.
2. Constantly bringing up your ex.
Even if you bring him up harmlessly, mentioning a past relationship relays the message that you are carrying baggage into your new one and/or are comparing your new beau to the ex. You can’t build on a new relationship if you haven’t gotten over the positive or negative emotions and attachments of the past. It’s not fair to the both of you. Most guys definitely don’t want to feel like you are rebounding with them, even if you aren’t. Regardless of whether or not Joe’s blue eyes remind you of Johnny’s…. keep it to yourself and don’t bring it up in conversation.
3. Expecting that he always pay for everything…
Most of my guy friends I’ve asked about this topic answer the same way… they usually pick up the check before the girl has the chance to… but if you never even make an effort or OFFER to pay for any of your meals or dates, you are sending the message that you expect it to be taken care of. Let’s be realistic, most millennials can’t afford dinner, meals, and outings for TWO several days a week. Surprise him… you won’t seem like every other self centered girl he’s dated in the past.
4. Living on your cellphone/social media.
Okay… so you’ve been on four dates and it seems like he’s pretty into you– Then you start doing that thing you do with your bestie and find every opportunity to take pictures. (Guilty, I still do this myself, my bf HATES it)
Those intimate moments that used to be about you and him and turning into events to post on your timeline and snapchat.
To us: We’re excited to show off our new boo to the world.
And to them: It seems like you are collecting evidence that we hang out with you… and it also makes us feel like you are taking this WAYYY too fast. Why do you take so many pictures anyway? Like are you making a scrapbook or something? Are you trying to make your friends jealous? It just seems a little pretentious to take a photo of the dinner and wine we are eating every time we eat… Why can’t you just enjoy it with me and not the world?
Most guys hate that most girls are selfie and social media obsessed. It’s refreshing to meet a girl who’s not that into herself and her pictures; Who doesn’t need to constantly check into websites to track what she’s doing and who she’s with.
Even though our intentions are good…and we really just want cute things to look back on when we are old and gray…
STOP YOURSELF THERE!
How do you even know he’s going to be the one you are old and gray with? This is the same thought process that is scaring any potential suitors away! You look CRAZY! And to be honest… you totally want to make your friends jealous with your hot date and cute outfit. (immature) Get off the phone, put it on vibrate, and ignore the urge to snap, tweet, and post–Before you get ghosted for the 10th time.
5. Giving it up way too early.
If you have sex with him right away, he’s going to assume you’ve done that with a few of other people. (And you probably have, don’t lie)
And if he doesn’t see that as a red flag, he’s probably really open minded, inexperienced, or he wants to keep having casual sex with you. Don’t mistake his staying around for genuine interest. You didn’t make it very difficult to get in your pants.
If you don’t have sex right away and he doesn’t stick around, then you know he wasn’t looking for a commitment. So you’ve actually done yourself a favor and pre-weeded out the jerk. It’s a lot easier to tell who’s interested in you as a person when you aren’t using your body to keep them around.
And look, I know it’s not easy. We are adults. And we have needs. We live in a society that utilizes double standards in judging men and women when it comes to promiscuity. Where being a sexual being, and also a women is seen as an excuse to be a slut. It sucks, but most guys aren’t mature enough to take you seriously if you sincerely are interested in being committed but also participate in casual sex.
For most women, we make the mistake of giving our bodies because we just want to feel loved and attended to.
If you really like the guy, just play it safe and don’t give it up on the first few dates….
6. Playing hard to get.
Think it’s smart to wait 3 days to text back, or ditch the plans you made with him here and there to make him ‘miss’ you? WRONG. Super duper fucking wrong. Most people our age have a couple of jobs, go to school, and have a ton of other important things to do besides wait around for you to reply to a text message or decide when it’s a good time to hang out. If you make yourself hard to reach, it honestly seems like you aren’t interested… and most guys will take the hint (even if thats not what you meant) and stop hitting you up. Nobody has time for mind games. Stop trying to make yourself seem like you are too busy for people and just be yourself. You made plans for dinner tonight? Don’t be a flake. It’s insulting. What? Do you think you are too good to keep plans with me all of a sudden? That will earn you a “Who’s this?” real quick.
7. Being shallow.
You get what you give. And you can’t be extremely picky when you are extremely single. Moreover, you can’t be a nickel looking for a dime. If your “standards” sound more like an Abercrombie and Fitch modeling application… you might end up heartbroken.
If you DO find a guy that fits aesthetic bill you desire… expect him to be extremely self centered and entitled. He could be with anyone. He’ll say… You’re lucky he’s with you...
Dealing with this type of guy long term with leave you broke, burnt out, and with low self esteem. You’re constantly going to be looking through his social media outlets for the other girls he’s entertaining. (remember attention makes his world go round) You’ll live your life trying to prove to him that you’re good enough for him and fighting to “earn” his love because he’s got these supposed “trust issues” and quite frankly it’s convenient to keep a girl around who treats you like a king and is convinced she’s the one for you… even though you have no intention of ever making her your serious girlfriend. You will end up his “crazy ex.”
Because you will fall in love with those angelic blue eyes… and when you spend time ALONE together he’ll tell you how grateful he is to have you in his life and how much you mean to him… but he’ll NEVER wife you up. He’s honestly looking for his own perfect princess the same way you were looking for yours. Soon enough you will learn that looks aren’t everything… and by the time you DO figure it out… that guy you friend zoned will have grown up a few years and looks a lot more appealing… and is also in a happily committed relationship with a girl who saw his potential when you thought he was a just cheesy dork.
8. Friend-zoning the nice guy.
You know this guy: He’s handsome, sweet, funny… You’ve known him forever. He knows all of your bad habits and embarrassing stories and still thinks the world of you. He’s the shoulder you cry on when the douche bag breaks your heart. He’s always there to offer you comfort, reassurance, and good advice. If you ever need anything, he’s always there… whether it’s gas, or burger king, or company. He is literally your gay best friend… except… he’s not gay. He just understands you— and deep down inside you know if you gave him a change he’d treat you like an absolute Princess. So why are you keeping him in the friend zone?
-Kayla