Walking by her on the street, you wouldn't see it right away. You wouldn’t see the scars that tell of a battle she almost lost.
You wouldn’t know about the countless number of nights she's spent on her bathroom floor throwing up because the only kind of beautiful is skinny apparently.
On the outside, she just looks like a happy and healthy twenty-something with the dorky laugh and a sassy personality.
If you really knew her though, your initial judgment of her would be the farthest thing from accurate.
You'd know that she has so much love for everyone and everything… except herself. She would go to the ends of the Earth to help the ones she loves, yet many times she neglects to love herself in this way.
She tells all of her loved ones to love themselves for who they are… but she doesn’t tell herself the same thing.
If you really knew her, you’d know that all she wants in life is to help people and make a difference in someone’s life. She yearns to be a positive influence on the ones she loves; sometimes though, she ends up doing the opposite.
Her difficulty regulating emotion reveals itself mostly through her relationships with others.
She gets angry out of nowhere, she turns desperate for even the slightest sign of love and breaks down when she can't find it. All she wants is to feel a sense of belonging, like she has a place where she fits in so easily, but she has yet to find it.
This makes her hurt people sometimes. And this makes people hurt her sometimes.
If you really knew her, you’d know that the hurt she sometimes causes people is accidental, and stems from a lack of skills developed on her part to manage her roller coaster emotions, and that spewing hate towards her, and referring to her as “over-dramatic” and a “monster” because of this inability, only makes her lower her self-worth to nothing.
Believe it or not, the girl who sometimes lashes out and hurts you is actually the girl who loves you with everything she has and beats herself up any time her helping ends up actually hurting those she loves.
She's not “crazy” for attempting to deal with her demons. She's actually incredibly strong and growing stronger each and every day she fights for her life.
If you really knew her, you’d understand that words hurt, looks can be deceiving, and you have no idea what struggles people face on a daily basis.
So I'll leave you with this…
"With knowledge comes understanding and with understanding comes acceptance, and isn’t that the most “normal” thing in the world— wanting to be accepted?"