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A Letter to My Past Self

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First things first: that perm does not look natural, and is a huge mistake…you will regret it and change it back in a few months. 

Now that that’s out of the way, there are a few things I want you to know even if you don’t want to hear them. Your next few years are going to be filled with some really amazing experiences, but you will also go through hell. You will go from feeling on top of the world to trying to drag yourself from the rubble of your own destructive doing. You’re going to feel loved and hated. You’re going to feel joy as well as sorrow. You’re going to feel everything as well as nothing. Some of this will start soon for you, some won’t happen until college, but lucky for you, you won’t be caught off guard by any of it now because you got me. 

There’s so much I wish I could tell you, but simply not enough pages in the world to write it all down. I need to start by telling you that eventually it will get better. All of this pain that you feel will go away, and your self-hatred will turn to self-love. It takes a while, but it will happen. You will love yourself. 

As for that guy you like, yes, he’s going to ask you to prom, and you two will date for a while. You will end up falling in love with him, and for a while, you’ll be so so happy. I’m sorry to say though that it won’t last. The love will stay, but that happiness will fade, and he’ll leave. He’ll leave and holy shit will it crush you, but you’ll bounce back. It’ll take a year or so, but soon he’ll just be a distant memory. 

You will lose a ton of weight…and then gain it back pretty quickly. This cycle will repeat itself a couple of times, and it’ll upset you, but I need you to know that either way, you’re beautiful. At least
I think you’re beautiful. Please don’t skip meals, please don’t work out until you feel faint because you think it’ll make you skinny, it won’t be worth it.You are not too fat to be loved. You don’t need to get that summer body, and you definitely don’t need to weigh 115 pounds. You are perfect, big forehead, thick thighs and all. 

I know you’re sad and you feel alone. Honestly, that feeling won’t go away for a while, and it’ll never permanently disappear. The battle for you is just beginning. It’s going to be hard. You’re going to need lots of help, and you’ll end up getting it from some pretty unlikely sources. Take that help. Call that therapist. Take those medications. Don’t allow those feelings to build up because if you do, one day you’ll snap, and the damage that you do will not be able to be undone. 

Please go easy on yourself. You cannot possibly bear the weight of the entire world upon your shoulders. You do not have to worry about everything. Those bills will get paid, that homework will get done, and you will get into your dream school. You’re doing the absolute best you can, and it shows. That hard work will pay off, and those restless nights will end up helping you in the end. 

Try not to take life so seriously. You have your whole life to follow the rules, and stay on the path of what is expected of you. Break a couple of rules, tread away from the path a little. The best things in life are the things you find because you strayed away from the path a bit, and broke a couple of rules. You will find out in a couple of years just how short life is, don’t watch as it passes you by because you’re living in fear. Stop living in fear and just start living. 

You’re going to lose people. With a few exceptions, the people who are important in your life right now, won’t be in a couple years. Don’t worry though because the people you’ll have by your side in a couple of years will be the people who care about you with every fiber of their being. Sure, you’re going to lose people, but the ones who come into your life and stay are really the ones you should be thinking about. Focus on the friends who stayed rather than the ones who have left because the ones who’ve stayed are the only ones that matter. 

Life is going to tear you down more than once. There will be times where you feel like giving up. There will be times when you do give up.You have this inner strength within you though that surpasses many of those who’ve helped in tearing you down. Sure, you’ll hit rock bottom. You’ll hit rock bottom a few times. You’ll always get back up though. Each and every time,you’ll rise, dust off your shoulders and keep going. You’ll lose your way at times, but you’ll eventually find yourself again. You’ll go through hard times, but you’ll be okay. Trust me. 

One last thing: One Direction will break up. Prepare yourself. 

Sincerely,

Future You


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