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A Letter To The Boy Who Was My Kryptonite

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Hey there. It’s been a while since we’ve talked…six months I think. I know the last time we talked, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant conversation ending with hugs and kisses; it was quite the opposite. I hope you’re doing well, and that you’re happy though, I only ever wanted you to be happy. I know this letter might not be exactly what you’d like to see, but there’s been something on my mind lately that I felt you needed to know. 

Since the last time we spoke, I’ve done some soul searching to find myself. I lost my way, and in trying to find my way back, I’ve realized something…you were my kryptonite. Who I was with you was so different than who I am without you. You made me weak. 

This isn’t your fault in any sense. I had all of the strength in the world, but around you, I chose to ignore that strength. I allowed myself to care about you so much that nothing else in my life seemed to be more important. You didn’t choose to be my kryptonite, it was just something that happened. This letter isn’t to blame you for making me weak or to make you feel bad. I pinky promise. 

This letter is to tell you that you used to be my world. You used to be my best friend, my favorite drinking buddy, and my rock. I would cancel plans to be with you, skip class to eat with you, and ignore everything just to sit on your bed and watch Netflix with you. I used to love you more than I loved myself. 

But I don’t anymore. 

See, when you left you broke me. You broke me more than I thought anyone could ever break me. I lost my best friend and with that, myself. But the thing is, I needed to be broken because the way I was built in the first place was unsteady and unpredictable. I needed to be broken in order to be rebuilt. Yes, I lost myself but the girl that I ended up finding is so much better than the girl you used to know. The girl I found is happy, healthy, and strong. The girl I found kneels for no one, and will never allow for anyone to make her feel weak again. No guy will ever be her kryptonite. You will never be her kryptonite. 

I won’t thank you for breaking me, and I certainly haven’t forgotten about the pain and the hurt. But I don’t hate you. I’ll never be able to hate you because the reality is that even months later, I still care about you. I’ll always care about you. No matter how much has changed, that will not. 

I don’t know when we’ll see each other next or if we’ll ever see each other again, but I just needed you to know this in case I never got the chance to tell you myself. It’s funny how much things can change, or how much someone can change in such a short period of time. We’ve both changed. We aren’t the people we used to be. Maybe, just maybe that's for the best. 

There are many things I regret in life. You will never be one of them. Sure, I wish I handled our friendship differently. I wish I didn’t put you on a pedestal, I wish I cared about myself more than I cared about you, and I wish I loved myself enough to never allow you to be my weakness. The thing with kryptonite though is that once you’ve distanced yourself from it, your strength returns, slowly but surely. You leaving allowed me to find my own strength. You leaving allowed me to be me. You are no longer the reason for my happiness, I am. You are not my reason for living, I am. You are no longer my rock…I am. 

And even if we never talk again, I just really needed you to know that. 

Sincerely,

The Girl You Used to Know


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