Dear Stranger,
As I am sitting writing this letter, there hasn't been a time where I can say I have at least one genuine memory with you.
Many say we clash because we are so alike. Maybe it's pride. Maybe not.
Though you only came around during my birthday, Christmas, and maybe a couple regular days out of the year, I can't consider you somebody that I can honestly rely on.
I wish I could at least say "I remember when my dad pushed me on the swings" or "I remember when my dad taught me how to ride a bike".
I can't remember something that never occurred.
I have felt frustrated without you. There have been times where I felt so alone and I yearned for you to be by my side and comfort me.
But I can't cry on a shoulder that was never present and I can't seek a hand from someone that never reached out to me, only when it was time to give me money or some sort of gift.
Throughout my life, I always envied those girls that had their father present. Who had memories of their father. Those who were daddy's girls.
As a teenager, I fell for guys quickly. I fell for those who gave me the least bit of attention because I never knew I could be important to a man, let alone spark their interest.
As strange as that may sound, I never realized that I fell under the category of "the girl with the daddy issues" and it was embarassing when some people called me out on it.
How was I supposed to know?
I always wanted to have a relationship with you, but I can never force someone to be genuine nor make them be interested in who I am or what I have to say. I will never change for anybody.
But I did let my guard down when it came to you, because you are my father.
When I look in the mirror, I see the face of a stranger. I see you.
When I get to see you, I am amazed at how much I look like you. And I get sentimental.
The times when I tried to build a relationship with you, I wanted to have at least that so I could be just a little bit happier.
But it was too late.
The childhood memories, I was too old for that to happen. My early teen depression stages, I overcame that. My high school graduation, it passed.
I always ask myself, who is the man that will walk me down the aisle during my wedding?
How can an absent father give his daughter away to a stranger? The giver must make himself known to his child.
I guess I will know when the day comes.
I am now an adult and I unfortunately had to accept my fate. I accepted the fact that I can never have a true bond with you because the milestones in my life have passed.
What is there to celebrate? What is there to remember? Nothing.
I am not mad at you. I do not hate you. I cannot keep a relationship up and running when somebody is not willing to chase me. I have done too much of it and I am fatigued.
If you ever need anything, I will be willing to help you. Just like I would help anybody else.
But it's too late for you to come around.
I now understand why I didn't have you around and why I couldn't have it my way, because I've been refined by the fire and I've been able to do so much on my own without your help.
I just hope and pray my children will not have to go through my situation.
But I will teach them to be strong and independent.
Sincerely,
Your invisible daughter.
