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A Promise to A Lost Friend On the Day of Her Wake

Every day I wondered if we would return to the way things used to be.

I remember years of cookouts and smiles, talking about life and our dreams for our little growing families. Sitting on the front porch for hours and just enjoying each other’s company.

I can’t mend the friendship we once had. I never will be able to remind you how beautiful you were or how you were doing all you could for your family.

You left so suddenly. I didn’t know I was going to find out you were gone before we could fix anything. Before I could let you know how bright your inner light was, even if it had dimmed a little.

As I prepare to visit you, one last time before you are forever gone, I am filled with too many emotions.

Regret: I should have contacted you more. I should have been available to you when you needed me most. I regret losing my way from you and allowing us to fall apart.

Sadness: For the time lost in between years. For the future of your children, who will never be able to know just how much good was in your heart.

Confusion: How could such a bright, young, and vibrant woman be gone forever? How could I not know that the last words we spoke to each other, would actually be our last words to each other?

There was never any argument or final words to each other. We grew apart and went our own ways. I am not sure how closure works for me, as there was nothing wrong with how it all ended for us.

But when I heard you were gone, really gone, my heart sank and I feel so lost. I always had the option to change the status of our contact. I could have reached out and said I’m sorry for losing our friendship.

But now I can’t, and that hurts so much. I can’t call you up and pretend like it never happened and find my way back to you.

All I can do is remember our times and happy memories and know that they were the best of times. I can be there for those children and tell them how much you loved them. I can’t fix us, but I can fix me. I can do better in your memory, and hope that you are looking down and seeing just how much you meant to me.

Please remember, wherever you are now, that we are sisters. We are best friends. And I will not fail anymore to be the friend you so needed, even if you aren’t here for me to prove it.