He’s going to make you happy.
You two meet for the first time and you’re going to have such confused and mixed feelings. “I just met him, but things feel right,” or “his smile just makes everything not so dark.” Those thoughts are going to shoot through your brain more than anything else.
You’re going to fall for him. He’s going to make you feel so important. He’s going to make you feel like the princess of the world. There will never be anyone better and more beautiful than you.
Then you two fight and it feels like you’re sinking.
“I care for this man so much, why are we fighting?” You’re going to feel helpless. You’re going to be made to feel like it’s your fault.
All he wanted to do was this or that. He makes you feel like you’re the one that’s blowing everything out of proportion, that you’re the one who’s crazy.
Then you will apologize—for his coward ways.
If it’s the first few fights, he will say sorry. But once you keep hearing it, the meaning behind it will fade. You’ll overhear it. You’ll learn to hate it.
When you two get a few drinks, you will see how hurt he really is. He will tell you everything that he hates about himself and life and all you want to do is hold him.
Hold him until his pieces are back together, but the problem with that is he doesn’t try to help you with it. When you try helping him so much, he doesn’t try to help himself.
You will feel alone.
You will feel helpless again. “I care about this man so much, there has to be something I can do.” Through the whole six months back and forth, those thoughts shot through my head. They haunted me.
You will learn his dangerous habits and try to help him break them.
But he doesn’t seem to try to break them for himself. So you give it everything you have and it’s still not enough.
You will be left with nothing, and this is when you start feeling empty. Feeling as if life isn’t fair. You can’t understand why you feel this way because all you’ve ever done was try to help people.
You’ve allowed an entrance in your mind for someone who will damage you. Break you.
“Love isn’t supposed to be this way. Love is supposed to be kind. Love is supposed to be happy.” You start to get lost in your thoughts and wonder when was the last time you two had this.
“When did everything start to change? When did things start to fall apart?” Words will drain you. You’ll want to talk about it, but he’ll just shrug it off and say, “Let’s just talk about this later,” or “I just wanted to have a good time with you.”
He’ll leave you feeling crazy.
It’s been a few weeks since I found the courage to walk away. To leave everything we’ve had or we’ve been through behind. It took me six months to get this courage. Some days are harder than others. Some days are easier than others.
I didn’t write this in the hopes that your relationship with him will crash.
I wrote this as closure. I guess for myself and you. Because even though he was once mine and I swore to myself we were going to make it one day, he’s yours now.
You’re his future, and even though I still hold anger here and there over unresolved thoughts, I do hope you help him. I hope you break the cycle. I hope you do glue his broken pieces back together.
Because I do love him.
There’s something about him you won’t be able to get over, you’ll find that sometime along the way.
I don’t hold resentment towards you, and I don’t hate you. All I wish to you is to help him succeed.
To help him get past his dark past that haunts him when he drinks.
To make him happier than I ever did.
I just hope you’re the one that makes him into the man he’s always wanted to become. Even better, to give him the motivation to become the man he’s always wanted to become.
Because that’s something I wasn’t able to do, and that’s okay.
Maybe that role was made for you.
