Dear “Her”,
I don’t know you, but I know of you. I’ve known about you for a long time now.
But you don’t know about me.
You see, I’m the “other woman”. I’m the woman your guy is with when he’s working late. I’m the one he’s seeing when he goes out with the guys. I’m the one he’s receiving messages from late at night, messages that he makes sure get deleted.
Which places us at opposite ends of the spectrum. You have no knowledge of anything going on behind your back. But I actually do know about you, and I allow the affair to continue anyways.
And to be completely honest, I’m not sure which side I’d rather be on. I hate feeling guilty for what I’m doing, but I also hate being the fool. I think I would take guilt over being blind to what’s going on, while everyone around you knows he’s cheating.
Yes, other people know about the affair. They whisper about it when you’re around. You see sympathy on their faces when they look at you, but you don’t think twice about it. You’re the one everyone feels bad for.
And I’m the one they look down on. I’m the one that gets glared at when I walk into a room. I’m the one that they whisper about when you’re not around. They judge me because they know that I know about you. They feel that I’m in the wrong for what I’m doing. And they’re right.
But as different as we are, we’re also very much the same. We both want the same thing…him. We both want him to ourselves. We both want the holidays and weekend getaways. We want the ‘get married, have kids, grow old together’ kind of relationship. We want his attention and his time, but we also want his love. We want that kind of life, but here’s the thing….
You have all of that. You have the holidays spent together, the spontaneous beach trips. You have the life-long kind of love. You have everything that I want, and everything that I will never have.
And unfortunately, I’m aware of all of this. I know he and I will never end up together. That’s not how these stories go. Eventually, you’ll find out, he’ll come crawling back begging for forgiveness, and you’ll both work it out and move on. And I’ll be left alone.
But once again, I think I would still choose my side. I’d rather know the pain was coming instead of being blind-sided. That way, I can prepare myself. I’m not saying it will hurt any less once the affair actually does end, but I’d rather see the gun being pulled out before I hear the shot.
And while I sympathize with you because I know your fate, I also envy you. I envy the fact that you are who he goes home to when he leaves me. I envy the time that you get with him. You get 22 hours out of every day, and I get the other 2.
However, I knew what I was walking into when I started this thing. I made the decision to let it happen. I accepted the terms and conditions and signed the contract. So I don’t expect sympathy from anyone. I’ve written my own story, I’ve created my own fate, now I’m just waiting for my chapter to end.
And eventually, it will.
“I’m the fool in love with the fool, who’s still in love with you.”
