It has been a while. I have not talked to you or contacted you in some time because I do not want to hurt you any longer. I constantly wonder how you are and if you have found it in your heart to forgive me. If I were you, I do not think I could. I hurt you a longtime ago, and I will live with that regret for the rest of my life. Things were not what they could have been, and I realize now it was me who was in the wrong. Despite how hard I wanted to believe that you were the one who ruined us, I realize now that it was all me. You gave us your all and I could never do the same.
I can never take back what I did or the pain I caused you. I know how horrible I was to you. I lied. I went behind your back. I said horrible things. I made everything out to be your fault, and blamed you for it all. Worst of all, I left. You kept holding on through all of the pain I caused you, you kept fighting and giving me chance after chance and in the end I walked away.
Some days I find myself wondering what you are up to, and if you ever think about what I am doing. How are your classes going? Did you end up passing that class with the professor you hated? How is your family? I am sure they hate me know, but I could never thank them enough for welcoming me with open arms. Did you ever end up moving out? Is college making you happy? How is your dog? These are some questions I would ask if I got the chance to speak with you again. You treated me amazing. Too amazing. I took you for granted and now that you are gone, I see where I went wrong. Everything I wanted, you gave me. I never reciprocated. You deserve way more than I ever offered you, and if I could go back and change what I did to hurt you, I would do so in a heartbeat. I think about it now and wish I could take it all back. You were my best friend, I loved your family and I loved all of the time I spent with you. Do not ever think I did not. That is one thing I do not ever want you to question, because I truly enjoyed our relationship and I loved you as a person.
I hope you are doing well and that school is all you wished for it to be. I hope that you found a girl that truly loves you and wants to spend every minute of the day with you. Do not ever look back and always follow your dreams because I know one day you will be living the life you have always wanted. One day I hope I will see you again, and I will know that you are happy, that you have found the right life for yourself. You will thrive in the job of your dreams and live by the ocean, because that is what you have always wanted. Know that you have an amazing personality, a giving heart, and a generous way about you that will get you far in life. Know that all I did to you will haunt me continuously, and that none of it was ever fair to you.
Do not take life for granted because it can slip out of your fingertips at any moment. I should have realized this before I had already let you go. I was stupid, selfish and naive. I did not think about how you felt and that is something I still regret to this day. I will regret it for the rest of my life, because I know it left a lasting impact on you. I blame myself for everything and I hope that soon enough we can look back and forgive. I know you will never forget, I know the hurt that you still feel. We have been without each other for almost a year now, soon your birthday will come and I won’t know whether to text you. I hope you are doing well too. Enjoy all that life has to offer you and be the man I know you are. I hope one day you will be willing to accept me back into your heart as a friend.
With all of that said, I do regret what I did to hurt you and I am truly sorry for all of the pain I caused. However, I do not regret walking away. You deserve so much more than I could give you, and I know that you will be truly happier with someone else. I could never be the girl you wanted me to be and I realize now that that is okay because someone else will be without even trying. I found someone now who makes me so happy. I feel as if I do not even have to try with him, as if I can be my complete self, which is something I never felt with you. Therefore, yes I regret ending things the way I did and leaving you broken in the process. However, I do believe we were meant to walk our separate ways. My path was meant to lead me to the new boy in my life. The one who makes me smile with just a simple hello. In addition, I know in my heart, that you will find that same happiness too if you have not already.
Good luck in life, you will go far. Best wishes.
