Dear You,
It’s really a shame that I have to write this because that means that after all these years you’re still taking me for granted. It also means that I’ve now lost someone that I cared for so deeply it hurt.
This has been a long time coming, but that doesn’t mean its easy writing this. Love is a weird thing. You never know when you’re going to fall. The one you fall for the hardest always comes out of nowhere. And that’s exactly what you did. I never saw you coming.
We were so young when we met that I never thought you were going to affect me the way you did. It wasn’t too long into our relationship that I knew I was in over my head. I *thought* I had met the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. The best part was you felt the same way; at least that’s what you told me. I was so certain that you were the one that I ignored all the warning signs and what everyone around me was saying.
You were my knight in shining armor. You were my happily ever after. I found you to be the most charming, handsome, and loving person on this earth. I defended every mistake you made, respected every decision you made, and supported everything you did.
I thought I had found the man of my dreams. But as fast as I fell for you, I learned that you were not as perfect as I once imagined. Which was fine, because you were finding out I wasn’t as perfect as you imagined I was either. But my fairytale came crashing to a halt when I realized that you were not the man for me.
You took me for granted. You took my unconditional love for you for granted. You didn’t see the tears that fell from my eyes every time you said you couldn’t “do it” anymore. You didn’t hear the way I defended your name to every person who talked down on it, even after all the bullshit you put me through. You made sure to keep me along for the ride so I would be there whenever you were bored or just needed a confidence boost. You couldn’t see the way my heart fluttered when I saw you smile. You didn’t even notice how much I loved and adored you.
Now saying that I “loved” you, as in past tense, wouldn’t be correct. Because I think a part of me will always love you. You’ll always be the boy who stole my heart and never really gave it back. I thought that one day I’d stop caring. That one day I’d move on and forget about you completely. But that day hasn’t come yet. I won’t let you know when it does, because unlike you, I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to drag you along.
I was there through some of the worst days, and some of the best days. No matter how hard I tried, nothing I did was ever good enough. You couldn’t see the bigger picture. You couldn’t see me. You couldn’t see us. Instead, you absolutely destroyed me. You took seven years of my life and still have no intention of giving them back.
I liked to believe in the best in every situation. It’s hard to find someone who is a true optimist these days, but I was one of them. I liked to believe in true love. I believed that love conquers all. I believed in fate and that what was supposed to be would be, no matter what. I believed that if I wished for the same thing on every shooting star, every birthday candle, and every 11:11 that it one day would come true. I believed that everyone had good in their heart, and breaking a mirror didn’t actually bring you years of bad luck. I was a believer. I believed in you, I believed in us.
But you turned into my worst nightmare. You made me blame myself for every bad thing you did to me. You would build me up just to tear me right back down again. You abused the love I had for you. You made me feel like I would never be good enough for anyone. I believed you could change and no matter how hard as I tried to fix it, you defeated me.
One day you’ll look back and realize my worth. You’ll finally see me, and all the big and little things I did for you. You’ll see how strong I’ve become, and I hope you feel guilty because you are the reason I had to learn to be strong. You’ll see me with another guy, and even if it’s only for a split second, you will feel regret. You’ll realize that somewhere along the way you lost a sweet optimistic girl. You’ll realize that all those times you were pushing me away you should have been fighting for me.
I may have felt defeated back then, but nothing can stop me now. Not only did you lose the fight, you’ve finally lost the girl who loved you unconditionally.
Truly,
The girl that used to worship you.
