Every day, I’m coming one step closer to finally forgive you. Although every now and then, I take a few steps back. I can’t help it that there are still days my heart won’t stop mentioning your name or I’ll wake up smiling from seeing you in my dream, only for that smile to melt into tears.
It’s okay, though. I don't always feel so okay, but I know one day I will.
I once reveled in the fact that you told me you loved me, it made me so unbelievably happy to watch those words form on your lips and land in my heart. With your hand in mine, I thought I’d never need anything else in this world. I had you and you had my heart. But nothing’s ever that simple, is it?
Somewhere along the line, you broke my heart. One day, my name didn't make you smile anymore.
You didn’t know you weren’t in love with me, you didn’t even truly and completely know what love is. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay, it doesn’t mean I was unaware of what it meant to love you, it doesn’t mean my heart hasn’t been in pieces since the day you walked out.
The thought of spending forever with someone excited you, but you weren’t prepared for the effort that goes along with it. You just didn’t know how much work relationships took. I was your first love, you didn’t know it’s not all smiles and easy days. You didn’t understand how impactful your words are on people.
You didn’t see the way they became ingrained in my heart, unable to be buffed out or filled in. They were there, they still are there, and I don’t know how to forget them.
I could call you every mean name I can think of in my head… but that’s not going to fix us, it’s not going to change anything. There isn’t even an ‘us’ anymore. What happened, happened and all I can do is work on healing myself and moving forward, right?
I’m a work in progress now, pushing a little farther each day trying to make up for the damage you did to my heart.
And then maybe one day I can say I’ve completely forgiven you, but until then, I’ll keep taking steps towards it, because it’s taking everything for me to not give up.
For more like this, check out our Facebook Page!