After some much time together, you would think that I would have learned something mroe important about you.
You would guess that I had moved on, that I wasn’t thinking about you at all. Because time really does heal wounds.
But it also makes you forget.
I forgot what it was to care about you, I forgot what it was like to be able to look you in the eyes and know that no matetr what, you would always be there.
I guess that was just the naive part of my heart, telling me that our love was real and strong, something to hold onto too.
but we both got older, you moved on, and i thought that I did too.
Until I finally understood that sometimes, there is no last moment. There is no closure. Sometimes, there is just goodbye. And without you saying anything at all, that’s what I got. I didn’t watch you leave, I didn’t have to deal with the pain of begging you to stay and then watching you love someone else.
I didn’t even get to tell you the real truth, only parts of it.
But sometimes, when life happens, we have to take control. And we have to learn to greiev in out ways because that’s what you made me do.
You made me have to face the idea of forgetting you all together.
And I’m slowly learning. Taking it day by day. Some nights are harder than others because they make me think about you. How much I worry, how much I still wait for a phone call, you on the other end, saying that you’re sorry. That you want me back.
But I think that we both know that you’ve made up your mind. And that you’ve found someone else, someone who could give you what I never could. Someone that’s not really better, but better for you.
And I hope that she takes care of you.
I hope that when you tell her you love her, you really mean it. Because I’m not sure you ever did with me.
I hope that when you have to say goodbye to her, you give her more than you gave me. And most importantly, I want you to know that I forgive you.
For handling this all wrong. For making me look like a fool and feel even worse. For making me think that you were going to wait for me.
I forgive you for falling out of love with me, because these things happen weather we are ready for them or not.
I forgive you for almost everything. Every moment that you let go. Every minute I thought we were making progress, and then hanging me out to dry.
I forgive you for not being brave enough to say that one word that we both knew was coming. But I hope that one day, years from now, you think back on what you gave up, and I hope that you remember the love that we shared.
The memories that still come to me in dreams, the ones that are the hardest to let go of. Because we really were something We were really good for one another, and I hope that even though you walked away, I hope that you think of that, and of me, and smile.
Anyway, I know that time will pass, and that I’ll be able to say goodbye to you in my own ways, and I won’t need to wait for your permission. It’ll probably happen one day out of the blue. I’ll wake up one morning, and I won’t miss you.
But I’ll keep going because I know that the only way to be at peace with this, with you, is to keep moving. Is to make sure that I’m strong enough, that my heart has enough courage to really let you go for good.
Just know that now, to add to the list of things you taught me, is how to say goodbye. Without really saying anything at all.
