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Because For Me, Battling Anxiety Is So Much More Than Feeling "Worried"

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Anxiety is different for everyone. Most people think the definition of anxiety is to feel worried or nervousness, but it is so much more than that. For me, battling anxiety is so much more than feeling "worried" for no reason.

When my anxiety strikes my palms sweat, my legs shake, and my stomach feels like it’s doing flips. I can’t tell if I want to scream or cry or do both simultaneously. Anxiety is a feeling that takes over my entire being, leaving me a notch weaker than I was before. 

It started off slow for me. Little by little my everyday worries that I thought were ‘normal’ turned into chronic anxiety. The type that keeps me up at night tossing and turning, shaking my foot trying to distract myself enough to trick myself into falling asleep. 

But that rarely happens. Anxiety changed my life, my personality, and honestly, it broke my heart. 

I lost part of who I was to my anxiety and I’m terrified I’ll never get it back. I used to be a carefree person, now I have these mood swings from hell that are ruining my life. 

When I’m in an anxiety-induced pattern, my mood is always bad. And those smiles you see in between? They're fake.

No matter how hard I try to focus on something else I can’t… I’m consumed by this darkness I can’t shake. 

I hate how depressed it makes me. All of the problems and worries my anxiety causes, makes me overwhelmed and so down. I start to think it’ll never end, everything becomes negative and it doesn’t shut off. 

And the thing not many people realize is that there is a striking difference between panic attacks and anxiety attacks. Anxiety attacks, I usually just feel extremely overwhelmed, by everything… noise, light, touch… it's all too much. 

Panic attacks, for me, are the worse of the two. I suddenly find myself unable to breathe and sometimes have chest pain with it. I literally feel like I am going to die.

Everything in my life suddenly becomes an insurmountable task. Laundry, dishes, cleaning and all the daily things that we do. They all become too much, too big, impossible to finish. I truly wouldn’t wish this intensity of anxiety on my worst enemy, 

I just wish everyone would understand what it’s like. 

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