I’m sorry I pushed you away but believe me, it had absolutely nothing to do with you. You are perfect in every way. You’re sweet, and thoughtful, and have this heart of gold that I adore so much. Never in a million years did I dream of hurting you and that’s why, when it came to giving you my heart, I didn’t take it lightly.
I wanted you to have it, I truly did. I felt at ease with you, in your arms I was home no matter where I was. Without even trying you could make even the worst days brighter and just the sound of your voice could un-grump me like no other.
You were as safe as a mountain but I felt like dynamite and that’s why I ran.
Being with you made me realize I had so much work to do on myself. I felt like I was a burden to you like I was in need of fixing and that’s the last thing I wanted you to think of me. I needed time for myself to become a better person, one who knows 100% who she is and who she isn’t.
And more importantly, I want you to know who I am through and through. I knew you wouldn’t have been able to know those things if I certainly didn’t.
You deserve to look at your girl and know exactly who she is and be able to trust her with everything in you. When you look at me with those big eyes I want you to be proud that you get to call me yours.
I know you deserve a love so pure that you never question it even for a second and I was scared I couldn’t give that to you.
Maybe pushing you away wasn’t the healthiest or best reaction, but I wasn’t ready for this and it wasn’t fair to let you keep believing I was. Because in my heart I know I want to be everything you deserve and more, and to do that I had to work on myself.
I don’t expect you to wait for me and I understand if somewhere along the way you stop loving me. Just know I never stopped loving you, not even for a minute, and I don’t think I ever will.
I just need to do this for me right now, but if there comes a time that our paths cross after this, please open your heart to me again. We could be something so amazing, I can feel it in the deepest parts of my heart.
But if you don’t I’ll understand that too, because at the end of the day all I want is for you to be happy.
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