Our story is one that resembles the thrills and fears of the ever so turbulent roller coaster. A connection that is best understood without spoken words, as my words often interrupt the bliss we wish to mutually experience.
Though I have known you for several years in passing, I never truly began to know you until last year. In passing, the sassy commentary, flirtatious encounters, and genuine shared interest always intrigued my mind, body, and heart. So when we started to spend time together my infatuation with you grew exponentially.
The laughter, the touch, the adventures. It was unlike any experience I've had with love in the past.
This love grew quickly and unexpectedly, and you weren't ready to part with your wild uncommitted ways. You weren't ready or able to handle the pressures of having to consider someone else beyond yourself. Though try and try as you did, you just couldn't seem to let your heart fully immerse in love as I could.
So, you did what you do best….. You dropped me. You dropped me and I shattered like a century old tea cup that belonged to a deceased loved one. So fondly cherished and kept behind glass doors to allow admiration of its beauty but safe from the fear and devastation of destruction.
In picking up the pieces of my tea cup, the struggle of gluing them all back together to resemble something worthy of admiration began. It was arduous, painful, and I just never could get the pieces to resemble the eclectic beauty I knew I was; Let alone tastefully house a proper cup of tea.
The weekly text from you and the odd phone call never helped either. I could never ignore you and this just provoked a living image of this beautiful tea cup shattering into a million pieces continuously.
Then one snowy Sunday afternoon I let it all go. With a final voicemail, that was emotional in nature, I broke all contact with you. Finally after 6 months of back and forth and nearly a year since this began I started to heal.
I invested in my well being as to brew a never ending steamy hot pot of self love tea. To be drank daily despite whatever qualms clamored my soul. Daily positive affirmations, stretching, reading, music, laughter, dancing. All self induced and often practiced alone in the safe confines of my sanctuary. (basement apartment) There were many nights spent with bubble baths, Martha Wainwright, tears, wine and a good book.
After several months of this practice I found myself once again. I am a firm believer that we lose ourselves just to find ourselves a magnitude of times throughout life. This is the process of life itself after all. It is how we learn and how we grow.
Throughout all this i did received weekly/biweekly text from you. About how you missed me, and how you hoped I was well. You told me you missed my scent and that you heard my laugh without my presence. That I haunted your dreams and your mind. That you missed who I was and not just this idea of me. Not going to lie, every time a text was received the fight not to reply was excruciating. But over time ignoring you became easier and easier till one day…. After a peculiar series of events in my personal life I sent four words. "I miss you too". Your reply was instant. I had opened Pandora's box.
Before I knew it, you were on my doorstep. Not on your knees but as a man. As a man who became truly aware of the mistakes and mistreatment you had done by me. Sincere, tearful, and with a heart full of love, for I was the one you couldn't forget.
I sit here reminiscent of our journey thus far, as you are currently reengaged in a world focused on your self and fear of the future. I sit here and Pray for us both to find the light where ever it may be. Though I am guilty of not always recognizing your progress, and where we are versus then, I whisper to myself, "bless my foolish heart for loving you all over again." For my pride may be enraged if we fail, but if we had not tried again my heart would remain in agony for an eternity.
