The day you stopped trying in our relationship, I put all the blame on myself, thinking that I didn’t deserve you. I convinced myself that it was all my fault that you left me because I was never good enough for you. I thought I deserved all the pain and agony you caused me.
I look back on our relationship and can’t help but see all the good. I remember waking up in your arms and kissing goodnight. Looking into your eyes and seeing that smile. You said you loved me and I believe it.
But, if you truly loved me, then why are you so okay with not being a part of my life?
That wasn’t love. If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t have been able to walk away from me like you did. You would've stuck around through the tough time and fought through them with me. The pain you caused me, you don’t do that to someone you truly love. You said it was “for the best,” but if you meant all those words you said it wouldn’t be for the best.
"The best" would've been growing old together like you promised. It would've been the same unconditional love you gave me when we first met. It wouldn't have been easy, but it would've been worth it.
Can you blame me for dreaming? I mean you said I was your everything, you said you couldn’t live without me. But, look at where we are now, I am broken and you are doing just fine.
At some point in time, between drowning myself in tears and gasping for air, I realized just how completely wrong I was. You may have broken my heart, but I was the best thing that ever happened to you. I was beyond good enough, but you were just too ignorant to see that.
You didn’t deserve me, I was too good for you, all you did was take me for granted. I gave you my whole heart and all I got in return was a piece of you. I lost myself trying to love you with everything I had to give. I loved you so hard that it consumed my life and turned me into someone I never wanted to become.
I used to have a spark in my eye, radiating happiness. You took that away from me when you made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I tried to become everything you needed and lost myself in the process. I became someone I didn’t recognize, only to be someone you needed but you left me anyways.
You didn’t like country music so I started listening to rap. One day, you said you didn’t like my hair curled so I started wearing it straight every day. Every time we were out you told me that I needed to calm down, now I am afraid to speak up. I lost the outgoing girl I use to be, I don’t know that girl anymore.
Before I met you, everything was so simple. I never second guessed myself or my actions. I used to trust so easily, but now you have lied to me so many times that I don’t even know what trust is. My walls used to always be down, being friendly to anyone who came my way. Now, I forget how to let people in. I loved you with everything I had in me, and you threw it away.
I let loving you completely consume me. I just wanted to fall in love, my intention was never to lose the person I used to be. Looking back, I feel pathetic. I changed for a guy who never deserved me. I was good enough from the beginning, I didn’t need to change who I was to reach your standards.
I guess I need to say thank you because you breaking my heart and walking was the best thing that could have come from our relationship. You left my heart shattered, and I had no choice but to pick up the pieces and repair it myself. I was able to remember who I was and find the girl I use to be.
One day, I will date again. This time I will find a guy who thinks I am perfect the way I am. I hope you regret not loving me the way I deserved. I was the best thing that ever happened to you. You should have loved me when you had the chance.
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