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Coming to Terms: I’m a Lesbian

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“I don’t understand the hatred and fear of gays and bisexuals and lesbians, it’s a concept I honestly cannot grasp. To me, it’s not who you love, a man, a woman, what you have, it’s the fact that you love. That is all that truly matters.”
? Al Pacino,

A part of growing up is discovering who you are and what you want in life; one of those things being your sexuality.

Most people know at a young age what their sexuality is; whether it be gay, bisexual, lesbian, transgender, so on and so forth.

But for a lot of people it doesn’t come so easy.

I can remember being a young girl, probably around 9 or 10, and thinking how beautiful other girls were; finding them more interesting and finding myself more attracted to them, than I was to guys.

Being that young, I really didn’t understand or know what those thoughts and feelings meant, all I knew is that I had them.

Middle school came along and I began to understand more and more what they meant.

I can remember a girl, who was quite mean to me, asking me, “are you a lesbian?” and in the back of my mind my answer was, yes I am; however, that’s not what I said, I told her that I wasn’t and from that moment forward I suppressed every thought and feeling I had about girls in the back of my mind.

Not only did I feel like I had to keep suppressing those feelings from myself and not act on them while in school, I also felt like I had to do the same outside of school.

My parents think very old school; that only men and women should love one another, not two men or two women. That made it very hard on me, because not only did I have to worry about being an outcast in school if I let those feelings out and acted on them, I had to worry about my parents not accepting who I was, who I am.

High school wasn’t much better; I tried to talk to guys, to be attracted to them, but I could never give them my all. I could never give them all of me, so instead I kept to myself and decided I’d rather stay single.

After graduating, those feelings were still there for girls and I found myself becoming more and more attracted to them and every time that happened, I suppressed them even deeper.

I started talking/dating guys, trying to find one that could make me happy, trying to make others and my parents happy but nothing was working. However, I kept trying. I wanted to be the person that everyone else wanted me to be, instead of letting myself be who I truly was.

Many failed and horrible attempts at relationships later, I knew that all those thoughts and feelings were going to come out; I knew that I couldn’t hold it an any longer, that I needed to stop lying to myself, to others around me.

I had to let myself be me, let myself be happy, so I did, because I knew that I couldn’t keep living a lie anymore.

I started letting those feelings come out and let myself be who I was.

Instead of suppressing the feelings I had for girls, I started acting on them. I started letting myself feel what I’ve always felt in the back of my mind and it was by far the best decision that I’ve ever made.

Two years later and I could not be any happier.

Coming to terms with who I am and coming out hasn’t been easy, but I’ve had the best support system possible; everyone has been very understanding and accepting.

Being a lesbian does not change me, it doesn’t define who I am in any way possible.

I’m still me; I’m still the same person that I was before I came out; before I let myself feel. I still have the same dreams and ambitions. I’m just happier now, I’m the best version of me that I’ve ever been.

If there’s one thing I’ve realized while coming to terms with myself is this: life is too short to be anything but happy. We all deserve to be happy, comfortable and confident in our bodies and with who we are. We all deserve to have the best chances in life.

It’s never too late to be who you truly are.

Be YOU, be PROUD, be HAPPY.

But more importantly, give yourself your best chances in life.

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