Dear Dad,
There are many things I would like to ask you, but since you are unreachable this is the best I can do.
I have asked myself the same questions over and over since you died and I wish you were here to tell me the answers.
Maybe then I could find some kind of peace.
You’ve had birthdays in heaven, so what is it like? Do you get cake? Do they have gifts? Do you make a wish for me every year on my birthday?
When I was younger I used to think that storms and rain were gods crying or showing their anger to the world. Can you still get angry in heaven? Do you fight?
I always hear things like “I know they’re not here, but they’re watching over you from heaven.” But my question is, are you really?
Are you doing your best to prevent bad things from happening to me? And, if so, do you realize how bad of a job you’re doing? Do you feel guilty?
My biggest questions are not those, though.
My most important questions all start with why. Why would you decide to throw your life away?
Why did you not fight to live? Why couldn’t you just try for once? You drank your life away and didn’t care about the affects, why did you only care about yourself?
How are you okay with not being there for my graduation day? How are you okay with not dancing with me at my wedding and walking me down the aisle?
Those are questions I would ask you if only heaven could be reached by phone, because you left me with too many things unanswered.