As a single woman in the last few years I have come to several realizations:
- Youth is spent on terrible men.
- You learn from your mistakes, or make them over, and over, and over.
- You find a good one-You stick it out.
My twenties were spent with long term- Note that I did not use the word “serious,” men. I had fun, made mistakes, cried and wondered if I was ever going to find someone who I not only liked but who I could rely on. A man I could do things with who respected my need to be independent and enjoy my own things. That guy who genuinely cared in a way I didn’t even know I was looking for. This may be hard to understand if you haven’t found him, but you will and then it will dawn on you. A man who cares doesn’t need to be available 100% of the time, but he knows how you take your coffee and he enjoys bringing it to you when you’re sleeping late. He understands what you’re passionate about and while he may not understand, he sees the difference in your smile and hears it in your voice when you’re in your element. He appreciates that. There isn’t a debate over the amount of time you spend with each other, but maybe a discussion weekly to coordinate; it is … easy. At first, I was hesitant; I wanted to believe it and to feel that relief, but it was terrifying to not have to be on guard and on my toes all of the time.
He is a man of his word. He may not always call, because he gets busy with work or has something weighing on his mind and just needs a minute. He works a lot and when he says his kids come first, believe me, they do. It makes me extremely proud to be with someone who is dedicated to his child or children, because he cares about something bigger than himself and that is a huge thing. He can’t hang out because he has that kid today but how about tomorrow? Just because you’re not number one on THAT list, doesn’t mean you’re not number one on another one. He cares and he wants to make it work, so try the juggle with him. It means saying not tonight but how about this weekend, and it means he’s not going to introduce you, not because he doesn’t trust you, but he is protecting that child from everything until he is certain. He runs late because of Gymnastics or Baseball but you should see the look on his face. That smile is everything. He has to take a time out at dinner to FaceTime and you should hear him talk to that child. It makes my heart squish.
When you get jealous of the Ex, remember that she is an Ex for a reason, and be proud that he can have an adult conversation with her, usually about the child, but sometimes not, because it means he is strong enough to take the high road. He wants his children to see adults that act with their hearts, their heads, and that can show mutual respect. In the world today we need all of the love and respect we can find and if we can be raising children who act with their heads, maybe we can leave a positive imprint for generations to come.
It’s not easy, to be with a co-parent, especially if you are without your own child. You might not understand the commitment at first but you will and it’ll surprise you how much you start to care, not just about cultivating your relationship but about that child. You can feel his love and it radiates through you. It will open your heart to a different type of love and your mind to a whole new side of relationships. You will learn what it truly is to love someone.