The day after Valentine’s day; tales full of romantic dates and of gifts received.
The following is a letter to a young girl who decided to give a classmate a Valentine. She is in the same middle school as a friend of mines’ son. A Grade 9 girl took a chance and let her affections be known to a classmate. The outcome was cruel and far too common. At the age of 41, I too face the same lessons as a 14-year-old girl. The challenges of sharing ones’ heart never changes. I hope that she never loses that fire within to be fearless and learns unconditional love has no expectations or boundaries.
Those boys have no idea how difficult it is to keep an open heart or perspective when they laugh at the confidence of sharing how you feel. Never let that stop you!
To the 13/14-year-old girl who gathered up all her courage yesterday to give a Valentine to the classmate she had a crush on:
Please don't let the insensitive reactions, to the Valentine, by your crush and his buddies (my son included) steal your courage to put yourself out there.
Don't let the fact that the handful of them that read your note and chuckled, at your expense, steal your strength of putting yourself out there. Take that risk again, even when you don't know what the outcome will be.
Don't let a bunch of 13-year-old boys steal your capacity to be vulnerable and take chances.
Trust me when I tell you that if you allow this experience to amputate those in the future, it will seem impossible to salvage courage and vulnerability. Demonstrating bravery and vulnerability will be pivotal in reaping many of the best rewards this life has to offer.
You will pretend it doesn't matter, and that it didn't hurt or humiliate you. But it did, and that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it again. I promise one day you will give a Valentine or your heart to someone who understands the gift you are giving and they will be over the moon to receive it. Even if they can’t reciprocate, they will respect and be gentle with either, or both.
From one teenage girl, (very long ago) who took a chance and was humiliated, to another – know that I will do everything in my power to teach my boys that showing emotion and vulnerability are never fodder for a chuckle with friends. Unwanted or not, this gift is always to be respected and dealt with by kindness.
In the meantime, until that lesson sinks in for those boys, feel free to make fun of the fact “your crush” has been wearing the same clothes since September and his hairstyle is reminiscent of a homeless person.
Thank you Amy N. for sharing your letter and experience.
