So, I’m scrolling through my Facebook feed, a mindless task that I do all too often. It’s almost like I don’t know how to be out in the world sometimes. Without that “Facebook Buffer” I feel so awkward when I’m standing idly. I should probably address that…but instead, here’s an actual picture of me trying to interact with people.
Anyways, I’m scrolling through all of the pregnancy announcements, marriage photos, and statuses boasting of their recent travels. Side note: How the HELL are there 20 something year olds traveling the world?! You know the ones, one day it’s Malta and the next it’s the Great Wall of China. Meanwhile, I’m rationing out my toilet paper sheets. Maybe they should be the ones writing, I would love to know their secrets.
Whatever…
I see a status about how this person feels like they are going nowhere in life and they are unhappy. I recently felt the same way; only, I felt like that for years. What did I do? I quit my stressful job and moved cross-country. I figured I felt alone in a city that I loathed with a shitty job that caused stress eating and sleep induced depression, I might as well be alone in a city that I have always wanted to live in. My advice to this Facebook friend was to move if they felt unhappy, change is something we dread but we need it so very much. Best decision I have made in a very long time.
Continuing on, I begin to read some of the other comments. One chick comments about something called “Destination Disease”. I had absolutely no idea of what that was. Naturally, I turn to my trusted friend Google. What I found cured my writer’s block, for the moment. Basically, destination disease is the idea of arriving to success/a goal and still feeling like it’s not enough. Mind blown.
We (when I say “we” I am choosing to speak for general persons based mostly off of my experience) are groomed from the beginning to chase success. You can ask any shmuck off the street their thoughts on success; they will more than likely bring up phrases/words like “lots of money and/or hoes”, “big ass house”, “pimped out truck”. These words correlate with the American Dream that many people chased for a while. Then college became too expensive, housing is absolutely unaffordable, and toilet paper prices are sky -rocketing. I mean, I paid almost $15 dollars for two-ply toilet paper. Is it really that much of a luxury to not have to sandpaper your ass crack every time you wipe??? What I like about my generation is the fact that we have been fucked so much by the previous generations, we’ve just accepted that the American Dream is just a dream.
We still, however, have our own personal idea of success. I, for example, wanted to go to college and get a good job. I went to a 4-year college, got a Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice and Sociology. As soon as I graduated, I pounded the pavement for a “good” job. I ended up as a Correctional Officer at a maximum prison and then a Sheriff Deputy. I saw all of my college friends that studied the same thing and they seemed happy, together, and successful. They appeared to graduate, work for a bit, and then arrive at success. They get big promotions, have all kinds of badass credentials and super cool uniforms — I wanted that. So, fast forward to me becoming a deputy; I hated that shit. I learned a lot, but I mostly learned that I wasted my college degree because everyone I worked with made the same amount of money and they never went to college. I also noticed that I was still striving for what I deemed as a “good” job. I was waiting for my arrival at Successville.
I still felt behind. “Behind” is the only word that comes to mind. I kept thinking things like: “If I could just move into a nicer apartment”, “If I could buy a nicer vehicle”, “I want the new iPhone”, “ if I could just get promoted at work I would feel successful.” All of these things were just quick fixes; they were plans to obtain while still thinking of the next move to make. And so I move into an overpriced apartment, I got a new truck, new iPhone, and I even got a lateral promotion (twice). I still was not happy.
Now the first reason why I wasn’t happy was because I was in a job where verbal abuse is the norm, co-workers were quick to backstab, and the scheduling of this job is not meant for normal people. Long story short, it was just a very negative job and it wasn’t for me.
The second reason why I wasn’t happy was because even though I accomplished my small goals, I was still fixated on the future. Nothing I ever did was enough. I kept thinking that I would feel and know the day that I achieved success. Looking back on it, I had arrived at a version of success. I made decent money, had a stable job, got lateral promotions, learned how to kick ass, and accomplished various other goals. I did pretty good for a young adult. But I wasn’t happy, so I moved.
Yay for me! I love the decision I made. I got a job at a local coffee shop/bar, had a decent (cheaper) apartment, and took my dogs to the dog park after work. I also made significantly less money, but for some reason that didn’t bother me. I saw what only working for the money does to people, more specifically me, no money is worth my existence.
But there was still this overwhelming feeling of WHAT DAFUQ AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!?! I began to think of my future. I thought things like, if I’m not doing law enforcement anymore, how will I achieve success?, what can I do to make more money?, what am I going to do with my life?. Those old questions came back to haunt me, and I cried….and then took a nap. When I woke up, I felt better, took my dogs to the park and enjoyed the present. Something I was forced to do when I quit and moved, was to stop planning for a future, because I fucked my “future” up. I no longer had a prestigious job to help me arrive to Successville. So, when I moved, I was forced to just live, simply exist. I knew I wasn’t going to go back into law enforcement, but I was lost. I had no destination to arrive to, and I still don’t.
I became happy with my life by not trying to find, chase, or arrive at success. I don’t know if I will ever make a lot of money, become a famous writer, or a well-known comedian, but I do know how to live. Life has tried to teach me to stop being such a planner. I mean when I was in high school I wanted to be a lawyer that was married to her career. Joke is on me, I got married at 19, not to a career, but to a husband. I interned at a law firm and fond it redundant. Life never goes as planned.
For those of you out there that might relate to this, the number one antidote to destination disease is to live in the moment and enjoy the journey set before you. We have only a limited amount of control, and that is how we act/react to situations. But even that doesn’t shield you from external consequences. It is liberating to just live and not worry about where you will end up. Because no matter how you plan your success map, with destination disease you will never feel like you have arrived, the future is something unobtainable. The future is abstract and ever changing. The only thing tangible that we have is the present. Moral of the story: 1. Don’t work a job just for the money; it will deplete you and 2. You will reach success without even realizing it, so just enjoy the journey.