Trusting my gut has always been difficult. I am a Libra; I weigh every option, every decision, every thought and feeling against what the possible outcome may be. How does one who weighs every choice end up stringing myself along with men who are losers? I tell myself they’re not losers. Why? I do so because I don’t like the word, “loser.”
Subject A. Educated male, 32 years old. Works full time, owns a house and owns a dog; Sounds great on paper.
Subject B. Educated, 28 year old male, funny, outgoing, military experience.
Subject C. Artistic, 22 year old male, tall, handsome, polite.
All three subjects were fun but what I saw was Subject A had an opinion for everything; I was always wrong, and had some major communication issues. Subject B was a lot of fun, especially with alcohol or drugs in his system. He had a love-hate relationship with his family and a sister who he never saw. Subject C was nice to look at, very thoughtful and fun. He was sweet and endearing and I loved him most of all. I learned later in the relationship about drugs, alcohol and deep family issues. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt but what I overlooked was the disrespect I was given. I let myself become a victim. As a female in my early thirties, I now look back and wish I had changed the way I was thinking about things!
I knew it was happening, I felt it. It was a feeling in my gut that caused me to question them internally. If I spoke aloud about my fears or concerns many times my feelings were pushed aside with a lame excuse. The common theme here is that in every relationship I had at least some sliver of self-preservation that told me to at least walk away, if not run! I let myself be treated like crap; I felt worthless, unlovable, and depressed. I allowed myself the opportunity because I knew that these guys were not bad human beings (I mean they probably were but again, I digress). I felt like I was giving up on them. I didn’t really feel like I could fix them, because I knew that they had issues, but so do I, right? Yes, I do, but it is my responsibility to fix it or change. That isn’t what makes me a loser, but if I hold someone back or treat someone like crap it does make me a bonafide loser. I lose out on a lot. Which is what they did. They ultimately lost out and I won because at least I feel like I learned some very valuable lessons, HOWEVER, as they say, “Once is a mistake, twice is a choice,” which might actually be the real lesson in all of it.
Take responsibility for your actions and choices, and most importantly your thoughts! Don’t let yourself be a lesson for someone, and don’t put yourself in a position to second guess yourself when you know the answer. If you are asking yourself, or anyone else the question, you are at least subconsciously aware that something has got to change. I promise that the right guy is out there. You need to do you and stand strong for yourself so that you don’t spend years trying to undo damage to your confidence, your view on the world and your relationships with people. Make time to be adventurous, spontaneous and strong! Be courageous, you’ll thank yourself later.
