It makes no sense whatsoever when someone you spent all of your awake hours with—and let’s be real, a lot of your sleeping hours too, suddenly detaches herself completely, and promptly exits your life.
You ask yourself: Why did she ditch me? Did she even care about our friendship? Does she miss me? Is it my fault?
How does someone just up and walk out on a person that used to be such a core part of their life?
It’s easy to turn to anger. You hate her for leaving the way she did. She abandoned you, the person who used to be there for her every minute of every day.
Thinking of her makes you want to cry, scream, throw things. You curse the day she walked into your life.
You want to get revenge somehow, you plot out all the horrible things you want to say to her so she realizes how much hurt she’s caused you.
But then you realize how truly sad you are. You’re completely heartbroken. After all the screaming and yelling, all you’re left with the feeling of emptiness, like a part of you is missing.
Because it is. She was your other half, you need her.
You need a shoulder to cry on, but she’s the one you would go to, and she’s gone now. You feel so alone, you just miss her so much.
And now you feel disappointed. Whether in yourself for letting someone in only to have them flake on you, or in her because you know her down to her core and she isn’t like this. Probably a combination of both.
Whoever it’s directed at, the feeling of disappointment isn’t something that just goes away. It lingers and it aches, it stains all the good in your life with the negativity of her leaving.
She became a complete stranger that you somehow knew everything about. You still know her darkest secrets, her inner-most thoughts, her biggest fears, but you don’t know how she is or what she’s doing.
You wish you could just ask her, or read her mind to figure out what it is that made her up and go. You think back on memories with her and you wonder if she ever thinks of you.
But after a while, it seems like a waste of time to ask yourself these questions because you’ll never get the answers.
Now, you aren’t mad at her anymore, and you’re not sad. You miss her but you’ll move on if you haven’t already.
You learn to appreciate the people you have in your life that are there to stay, and you’ll realize that a person who’s truly a best friend will never become an ex-friend.