We were “just friends” with the benefits of what I wish were a relationship, without the actual title of one. We spent time together, held hands, kissed, touched each other in a sweet way that “just friends” wouldn’t do, and so much more.
For a while, things were going great in the No Commitment area, but then one day I started to realize, that I wanted more. I wanted a relationship. I wanted a boyfriend.
But, he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me, and even though in a way I knew we wouldn’t ever get to be in a relationship with each other, it still really hurt.
He made me believe the sweet nothings he whispered in my ear. The way he would touch my arm, or grab my hand had me thinking that he felt something for me, the way I felt something for him…but that wasn’t the case. He was just looking for the benefits of a relationship without the actual commitment of being in one.
I didn’t want to realize it at first, but when it finally hit me, it felt like my world was crashing down. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him, felt like nothing I said or did mattered to him.
…but that’s not the case.
What I say and do matters. My feelings do in fact matter….I matter.
So, I will get over him. I will move on from this, I will find someone that truly deserves me and this is how I’ll do it.
I will accept my feelings and not keep them bottled. No, things didn’t work out with us, but I have every right to feel the way I feel. Recognizing what happened and how it made/makes me feel help me rationalize my thoughts.
I will rely on my friends to help me sort through my feelings. There’s nothing like the overall emotional support your true friends can provide during rough times.
I won’t think about what could have been. Yes, I do wish things would have worked out, but in the end they didn’t and even though it hurts, I won’t spend all of my time thinking about the “what ifs?”
I’ll be grateful for the time we had together. He taught me not to settle for anything less than what I deserve, and even though he hurt me, and I’m grateful for the lesson.
I will focus on myself. I won’t jump right back into dating, because I’ll just end up getting hurt again. I’m going to take this time and learn about myself; what I like and dislike, what I want and what I don’t want in my life and that I do matter.
We didn’t work out, but I’ll never settle for anything less than what I deserve.
