You took me by surprise when you came into my yard and introduced yourself. I had seen you numerous times before and we had never said much more than “Good morning” to each other.
That night, conversation came so easy. Maybe it was because you already knew so much about me. You picked up on little things, which is what happens when you live right next door. I felt like I didn’t have to put up a front with you. You had already seen me first thing in the morning, letting the dog out, bed head and all. You had already seen me outside playing with the kids. You had already seen me stumble home on a Saturday night after drinking a little too much. Before you had even learned my name, you had already seen me at my most vulnerable.
Over the next few weeks we began to spend more and more time together. Our kids became friends. Normally, I have my guard up and tell men that I’m too busy to add anything more to my life. But it came natural with you. It was simple to meet you outside for a beer after the kids were in bed. When you would come over while they were outside, it didn’t matter because you were just the neighbor.
Then one day I didn’t hear from you. I know people get busy, but it was really hard to convince myself of that. All I had to do was look out my window and know that you were home. The following day you texted me and told me that you and your ex-girlfriend were getting back together.
At this point I had two options: try to avoid you, or act like it didn’t phase me. I made the wrong choice.
I acted like things were fine. We went back to being just neighbors. I would let my dog out as you would leave for work. Instead of saying “Good morning” we would simply smile at each other. I would text you to see if your son could come over. I watched as your girlfriend spent more and more time over there.
I should have avoided you. Proximity is a dangerous thing. One night after a few too many tequila shots I asked you to come over. And just like that I became your other woman.
Sneaking around was fun, and hot, and horrible. It turns out I’m not good at being the other woman. I understand when people have busy lives, but I could never wrap my head around you being too busy to spend time with me, because you were with her. Every time I was reminded of that, I would push you away. Then a couple days later you would pull me back.
There would also be times it was like she didn’t even exist. We would play with the kids, and when they weren’t looking we would sneak a hug or kiss in. I felt safe and happy. I would think, “This is what my life could be like.” Then I would wake up alone the next morning and see her car in the driveway. I would think, “This is my reality.”
Now, I’m making the right choice. I am going to avoid you. Great sex and good conversation aren’t worth my peace of mind. It’s not worth the values I gave up just to live off of stolen moments with you.
I can’t tell you goodbye. I won’t give you an explanation. You will convince me to stay, just like before. I can’t take my dog out as you are leaving for work. All it would take is for you to glance at me across the yard and follow up with a text message and I will be sucked back in.
Yes, proximity is a dangerous thing. But allowing myself to fall for a man who has chosen someone else is even more dangerous. I can’t say I regret you, because I have learned a lot. However, sometimes I wish you would have stayed in your own yard.
