When I gave birth to you, I pictured a few of the big moments you would have in my head as I held you. Your wedding, holding your first baby in your arms, your first prom, getting your license and driving off by yourself for the first time, leaving for college, and walking across the stage of your high school graduation.
Here we are with the a few out of the way, each filled with secret and not so secret tears, as we approach you starting your senior year of high school. This year is about to be one of the most exciting and fun ones for you, and probably one of the hardest for me.
I am trying hard to be strong, but I'm not going to lie….this is REALLY hard!
So I will try in words to tell you how you will see this next year vs. the way I will see this next year.
Your first day of school for 12th grade: You will walk in so excited and thinking this is my last first day of school after all these years, and thanking God you won't have to walk these halls anymore. Yet, I will secretly be dying inside because this will be my last first day with you. This will be the last time I get you to pose with the cute first day of school sign and wake you up all excited as you embark on a new year. This will be hard for me, and you will be so happy to see it come.
Your senior pictures: You will be so excited to get these done, you get to know this is it, the last time you have to sit in that chair and take those school pictures for your yearbook. I will be proud of course, but sad, as this will be the last school picture I will be getting of you.
Your constant sleepovers: You'll be in your room laughing it up, and having a ball and getting in as much time with friends who are all off in different directions…But what you won't see is that I have known so many of these girls for so long, and when you leave, so do they. And their sounds and laughters and moments I have shared with them are gone. I don't lose just you, I lose them too and this won't be easy.
Your senior night of soccer: You too may struggle with this one, but you will walk that soccer field on senior night so happy and so proud of the 4 years you just gave to that varsity team. But for me, I will be a wreck crying my eyes out that it's over. I have spent so many years and so much time sitting in the stands cheering you on, and soon it will be gone. Yes, I get to watch you play college soccer but this is different.
Senior prom: You will have a blast getting ready with your friends, and dressing up, and taking pictures, as I watch your date put his arm around you. This is it, your senior prom, you're almost there…and I again will be crying. This is the last time under my roof where I get to go dress shopping with you, and help you get ready as I stare at you and think of how beautiful you are.
Graduation day: You will be slipping into that cap and gown so proud and so happy as you should be! You will be thinking "I did it! I am out of here!" and you will throw that cap up in the air and realize you're now an adult, you have this amazing life in front of you. And I will be sitting in the crowd with tears running down my cheeks. I will be thinking of course how unbelilveably proud I am of you, but I will also be thinking how my baby is done, she's about to leave.
College check in day: I know the most exciting moment for you will be this day. This will be it…you will be done in my care for the most part. You will be so incredibly happy for this moment. You are now pretty much on your own. Nobody watching over you 24-7. You get to not do chores, to not have your sisters borrowing your clothes, not having mom nag you about curfew. You now have the whole world at you fingertips.. And for me, It will be one of the hardest days of my life. I will be dying inside and the ride home will be one of the worst moments. I will be saying goodbye to my baby, to my everything. I will be going home to your empty room and waking up every morning without hearing you. I will be going to bed wondering and worried every night that you're eating right, taking care of yourself, and making the right choices, all without the option to go into your room and peek on you while you're sleeping and kissing you goodnight.
So, what I ask of you my beautiful daughter, is be patient with me this year. I want you to know that in all of these moments, I am so beyond proud of you. Proud of every accomplishment you have made. I am so aware of how wonderful of a daughter I got in you. But, I am also aware that this is it. This is my last year and last moments with you under my roof. Life will forever change after this year. I have to put my upmost faith in that I raised you to be the woman I knew you could be. So when I cry, let me cry, let me get through the hard parts of saying goodbye to my baby. And maybe, just hug me and tell me "I love you mom" to make it easier.
But most of all, enjoy this next year my sweet girl….smile every day of it, bask in the glory of it, laugh at every great moment, and place these memories deep inside your heart forever. And know that I know you've got this! And no matter what time it is, I am only a phone call away, and my you always have a room in this house. I love you!
