He isn’t thinking about you, so why are you still wasting your time thinking about him?
It should be so simple. And for those on the outside looking in, I probably seem like the most naive, vulnerable, and ignorant person on the planet.
Don’t you think I want to be over this too? My friends and family all look at me with pity, as if I’ve chosen to dwell in this for as long as I have.
I want more than anything to just “move on” and be “over it”, but I can’t.
Here lies our struggle.
Our heart can’t seem to cope with the fact that something that once meant so much to us, just doesn’t exist anymore.
Our mind is repeatedly telling us how much better off we are without them, convincing us with every logical reason you could imagine.
What happens when despite every rational reason you have, your heart defies all that and only wants to feel what it once felt?
We seem to hold onto this feeling of belonging, even if it is currently nothing more than a past memory.
The rawness that comes from loving someone other than ourselves is one of the most pure things we experience in this lifetime.
Which, although satisfying in the moment, often leaves us with this longing once it is gone or taken from us.
For so long we hold onto the hope that we may be able to achieve this again with the same person that made us feel it in the first place.
This is the same heart string that keeps us in a sort of purgatory once our relationship has exceeded its time.
I want so much to forget the way he made me feel, but I can’t. I don’t apologize for not being able to move on from the only real thing I have felt so far.
I do want to get over it, but in my own time. Until then, I will grieve in the only way I know how.
For now I will stay up late nights, replaying the moments we were able to share until the pain of my loss eases me to sleep.
I will go through my days wondering if he remembers me from time to time, hoping I made some sort of impact on his life no matter how insignificant.
I want to get over it, and I will. Someday. Somehow.
Until then I’ll be thinking of you, hoping that you’re thinking of me too.