I’ve heard it before and I’ll hear it again, “you missed out on having a father, you may have a little bit of ‘daddy issues'”. But that’s just an ignorant statement and far from reality, at least mine and I’m sure many others. The truth is, growing up without a dad doesn’t mean I have daddy issues.
It is no secret, to myself nor anyone else in my life, new or old, that I grew up in a household without a father. I am not the only girl or child who has ever found themselves in this situation, but I will also not neglect that each situation is different.
Particularly, mine was filled with emotional abuse and a life that ended much better off without a father in mind. With that being said, it is important to note that every situation is unique. I put such emphasis on there so as not to encourage people to clump every child within the same category.
I have a past and a trauma, it does not mean I choose to live in it day-by-day. I have grown, I am stronger now. That is the light I wish to be seen in, not in the shadows of my deadbeat dad.
Just because my father was absent does not mean I will go searching to fill some so-called “void” I possess. That is not the case and will surely never be. I don’t go looking for trouble or try to connect with people much older than me simply based on this strong ideal of a father figure. I do not yearn to know what it’s like. I simply don’t stop accusing me of such.
Being fatherless doesn’t mean that I will automatically give every guy the right to treat me like complete and utter garbage. I’m not a doormat just because I didn’t attend a father-daughter dance. There is no justification or correlation to my insecurity and inability to stand up for myself based on the fact that I was only raised by my mother. A single parent does not create an emotionally damaged girl.
Just because I grew up in a household with a loving and supportive mother does mean that I got everything I needed for everything I had ever dreamed of. For me, this was exactly how my life was intended to turn out. I grew up with a very loving, dedicated, single mother who gave me the world and then some.
It is not to say that there weren’t hard times for us – more often than not I found myself crying on the bathroom floor wishing things were simpler. But, we make the most out of the cards that are dealt to us. I wouldn’t change the hand I was given for an easier, more simplistic version of this life. If I had, who knows who I’d be today.
I maintained a very stable life with a complete education and a permanent job and continue to work hard at that each and every day. It is clear and a distinct representation of the hard-working person I came to be, even with the lack of a father. For me, in this life, I would not have been nearly as successful had I not gotten away from him.
Stop and think for a minute. It’s as close to a stereotype as it gets and as far past offensive as it can be. Do not look at me and judge based on a human you know nothing about.
Even so, knowing me and justifying my actions based on past experiences isn’t right. Don’t justify things for me. I am human, I will make mistakes. But, I will also guarantee that not a single one of my failures comes from growing up without a father.
To those who set ease and understanding in the fact that young girls without father figures have simply had enough “damage” done, we do not need your pity. For you, this may be the first look you have had at someone with triumph, but for us this is only the beginning.
We are much more than the “daddy issues” you proclaim us to have. We are soon to be much more than they will have ever controlled. Thank you for reminding us that not everyone understands where success rises from and that not everyone gets away. We take pride in that.