Happy breakup anniversary, baby.
Today marks the day you ripped my heart out of my chest and I thought I would die.
I thought I would wallow in misery and be unable to cope with basic life tasks.
Yet here I am.
All this time down and at such a different place than I was. I have already gone through so much, denial, depression, hatred, bargaining, and anger.
But now I'm in acceptance.
I have accepted that you are no longer mine. That we are not meant to be, and will never be best friends again.
I have changed from grasping on tight to anything in my way. Now I only float.
I'm no longer incapable of getting up in the morning. I am now able to go through life and actually laugh at some jokes. Sometimes. Now when I see you I don’t pretend we are friends, or that I know you.
I pretend you never existed.
Because I have erased you from my future. I am still sad and there is still so much longer to go through before I can even stop thinking of you.
But for now, I can handle you near me or talking to my friends.
I might not handle it the best way, but I handle it the best way I know how.
The hardest part of this is I can’t blame you.
You weren’t an abusive boyfriend and this wasn’t a toxic relationship. Just a “not meant to be” relationship.
There is no one to blame which makes it hurt that much more.
So today when I see you I will remember I have survived.
I will remember as I look in your deep eyes and realize I know nothing about you and your life now.
It hasn't been long. It's not a big occasion or even important.
But to me, it signifies that you haven’t all the way ruined me.
It signifies that I spent time without you and was able to accomplish so much in life.
I am proud of all I have done. I want to celebrate how much stronger I feel for doing more than the minimum and succeeding in every other aspect of my life.
But I don’t have the time to waste celebrating.
It has been a while since you lost interest in boring old me.
I'm okay, and I am still kicking after this month.
If I can handle this initial pain there is hope that I can handle the rest of the hurt.
So happy breakup anniversary, babe.
I'm a fighter.