Happy Breakup-Anniversary, I Hope You're Miserable

Happy breakup anniversary, baby. 

Today marks the day you ripped my heart out of my chest and I thought I would die.

I thought I would wallow in misery and be unable to cope with basic life tasks.

Yet here I am.

All this time down and at such a different place than I was. I have already gone through so much, denial, depression, hatred, bargaining, and anger. 

But now I'm in acceptance.

I have accepted that you are no longer mine. That we are not meant to be, and will never be best friends again.

I have changed from grasping on tight to anything in my way. Now I only float.

I'm no longer incapable of getting up in the morning. I am now able to go through life and actually laugh at some jokes. Sometimes. Now when I see you I don’t pretend we are friends, or that I know you.

I pretend you never existed.

Because I have erased you from my future. I am still sad and there is still so much longer to go through before I can even stop thinking of you. 

But for now, I can handle you near me or talking to my friends.

I might not handle it the best way, but I handle it the best way I know how.

The hardest part of this is I can’t blame you.

You weren’t an abusive boyfriend and this wasn’t a toxic relationship. Just a “not meant to be” relationship.

There is no one to blame which makes it hurt that much more.

So today when I see you I will remember I have survived.

I will remember as I look in your deep eyes and realize I know nothing about you and your life now.

It hasn't been long. It's not a big occasion or even important.

But to me, it signifies that you haven’t all the way ruined me.

It signifies that I spent time without you and was able to accomplish so much in life.

I am proud of all I have done. I want to celebrate how much stronger I feel for doing more than the minimum and succeeding in every other aspect of my life. 

But I don’t have the time to waste celebrating.

It has been a while since you lost interest in boring old me.

I'm okay, and I am still kicking after this month.

If I can handle this initial pain there is hope that I can handle the rest of the hurt.

So happy breakup anniversary, babe.

I'm a fighter.