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He Deserves to Be Happy, but Not at Your Expense

You’re in your first relationship and you both just want to do this right. 

You were friends before you mutually agreed to take that next step and you look forward to watching your love grow. 

Neither of you wants to waste your time, so you decide this is going to be a long-term relationship. You don't really understand how those work yet, but you can't wait to figure it out together.

But as you get to know him and his family better, you begin to see red flags popping up from every direction. 

Your fundamental beliefs are extremely different. You two can’t decide on boundaries or the speed at which to push them. 

After only a short time together, you think you should still be happy and full of butterflies. But when people ask you how the dating life is going, you shake your head and say, “I don’t know. It’s messy.”

As you continually make excuses to yourself about why you’re unhappy, he continually tells you how happy you're making him. This makes you even more determined to stay together because you don't ever want to hurt him.

But a small thought begins to grow in your mind, urging you to “dump him." You push it away because you like being the one to make him happy, but it comes back stronger than ever. 

Eventually, you decide you just have to listen to your mind. You're absolutely miserable and you know that a long-term relationship will only make it worse for you both. 

The look of twisted pain on his face when you tell him “it’s just not working” tears you up inside. 

But once you walk away, you feel free for the first time since you got together. You smile, not because you're glad he's in pain, but because you're no longer responsible for keeping him happy. 

It’s okay to put your own happiness first, that's nothing to feel guilty about. You should never force yourself to stay miserable just to keep someone else smiling.