Dear _________,
I want to get straight to the point with you, and I am sorry this may not make sense but feelings are weird like that you know? I care for you a lot.
When I am with you I feel safe, secure and accepted. I feel right at home, and even though these are all good things they freak me out.
I often feel like people don’t really know me, I am very meticulous with what I say, and with how much of myself I give to others because I don’t want them to see how much I struggle.
My insecurities, my fears, and my past experiences are a huge part of who I am and even though I am beginning to face them, I am not ready for others to see them.
Therefore, the closer we get and the more you begin to know me and the more you begin to understand who I am, the more and more I freak out.
I wish I could make sense of it, but I cannot and I am sorry. All I know is that being close to someone, letting someone in, vulnerability freaks me out.
I am not ready for this at this point in my life. I cannot let somebody in.
I feel unworthy of the love and acceptance you have to offer.
I will not let you in to help me, so don’t feel like you can save me.
I will push you away, and I will hurt you and me in the process.
Please understand, that though I know I could love you, I cannot do so now. I have made this mistake before, and the guilt still haunts me. I cannot make the same mistake again.
I am not asking you to wait for the right time because I do not know when that will be, but do know that I am working on myself.
It is a long and slow process, but I am hopeful that one day I will be better.
With much love,
___________________________________
