Now that you’re older, you’ve probably gained a newfound appreciation for your mom.
You have no idea how she put up with you as a kid, but nothing makes you happier than accepting that she’s no longer just a parental figure, she’s one of your very best friends.
But like any friendship, there are a few things it pays to keep to yourself.
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The flower pot she "lost" wasn’t really stolen off the front porch…
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You just puked in it and decided it was best to get rid of the evidence.
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You weren't just the queen of sneaking out…
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You were also kind enough to pass your best tricks down to your younger siblings.
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Although you claimed otherwise, you knew exactly what that “skunk” smell coming from the neighbor’s house was…
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And the only spice in your apartment is definitely not oregano.
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All those holidays you couldn’t come home due to your "crazy workload" were really spent consuming copious amounts of booze and other substances.
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And your pre-game rituals cram more liver abuse than any one person should be able to handle into just a few short hours.
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The real reason you were "let go" from your last job was your refusal to work on a Sunday. Miss Sunday Funday? No thanks.
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And you spent that money you so desperately needed her to loan you for "books" on alcohol.
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You lost your virginity in the backseat of her car. Awk.
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You can’t even begin to count how many Tinder dates you’ve been on…
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Let alone how many of them turned into all-nighters…
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But you know you can’t count your sex partners on two hands.
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You once lived by the motto “anal play keeps the babies away.”
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You’re no stranger to Menage a Trois (and not the kind that comes from a bottle.)
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You have a drawer full of sex toys.
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And you’ve become quite the expert sexter.
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Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” basically sums up your college experience.
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You and your guy tried the best new position in the bedroom last night.
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All that advice she gave you would've come in handy if you'd actually listened.
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She really is always right.
