I have never beenmuch of an avid reader. In fact, I stillam not much of an avid reader. I have ashort attention span, probably much shorter than the normal for a twenty-threeyear old. It is not so much the“reading” part that is difficult.
My dadstarted teaching me to read when I was four years old, and well I have beenable to read ever since. I can make fora tough competition in a game of Scrabble. It is more the comprehending and remembering what I read.
My thinking was always why read if I am notgoing to remember what I read in the first place? I have a wandering mindequivalent to the energizer bunny. Itjust keeps going and going and going.
Ayear ago when I wrote this essay (procrastinating from both homework andworking), I honestly had not read a book for my own pleasure (up until justbefore this point) since my freshman year of college, which was not even a goodread. This means I had not read a goodbook on my own since my freshman year of high school. (I now enjoy reading yourbooks, and nonfiction books by people such as Lena Dunham and Amy Poehler, andmany other public figures. If DakotaJohnson wrote a book, I would read that, too.)
On February 13,2015, one of my good friends wanted me to go with her to see Fifty Shades of Grey. Obviously, I had never read the books,nonetheless really took them seriously. My thought process up to this point was a bit judgmental. I thought the concept of BDSM was silly. I also think in the back of my mind I wasunsure whether I was even mature enough to read these books.
Despite my poor judgement based on my focusof knowing it had to do with BDSM, I had heard from relatives and friends aboutit being a good read. At one point I actuallydid consider reading the trilogy. Ofcourse, I procrastinated with doing so, because once again, reading was not mymost favorite past time.
Needless to say,I went with my friend to see the movie. I was still a bit reluctant. Iwas not sure what I was getting myself into, but I love going to the movies, soit was a bit of a win-win deal. She evenmade us “kinky fuckery, lip biting, etc.,” shirts to wear to the theater.
As the movie cameto an end, I was disappointed. It wasnot such disappointment where I thought the movie was horrible (it is actuallynow my favorite movie of all time, and I cannot wait to see the next twoinstallments), but as soon as the elevator door shut, it ended. Anastasia had left Christian. I had so many unanswered questions.
Do they get back together? How do they getback together? Does she consent fully to all the BDSM? My friend just giggled at how close my jawwas to the floor. I was speechless. I wanted more (no pun intended). She asked me if I wanted to know what happensnext, and me being the impatient person I am, said yes. At the time, I figured I still would neverfind the time or have the attention span to read them and we had no idea whenthe next installment would be released.
About a week later, I broke down and purchased the trilogy on my iBookapp on my iPhone 5c. Let me just say, Ihave never read a book, nonetheless three books, so quickly in my life. I read them all within a month. Since then, I have read them at least threetimes within the last year. This isgoing to sound crazy, but these books changed my life (or more so motivated me). These books encouraged me to focus andcomplete school, have respect for my body, and diversify and expand my knowledge.
Once again, I wasnot keen on reading (I still am not 100%, but I am getting there) and have ashort attention span. I went to collegeright out of high school and regretted just about every other day of myschooling for the past four years. Iwould joke with my friends about just dropping out and I would move to Vegasand just be a Vegas Showgirl.
My majorchanged about four or five times before I figured out what I somewhat really wantedto do with my life. I knew I had to goto college if I wanted any chance at getting a decent paying job. Yes, I very easily could have taken a break,but I knew I hated school so much and if I had stopped going, I would havenever went back and finished.
So whatdoes Fifty Shades of Grey have to dowith this? In February 2015, I had a little over a year left of school and wasunsure if I wanted to even finish the next year. I thought maybe if I went and stayed with myuncle (a business man) in Florida for a little bit, maybe he could kick startmy butt into gear. Ana has a passion forwhat she went to school for, and Christian has a passion for his billionaire company.
The book obviously does not focus a whole loton Ana’s schooling, however I felt I related to her character with herintelligence, as well as Kate’s boy crazy edgy ego, and they both graduatedwith 4.0’s. There was no reason I wasnot capable of doing the same thing. Idid not graduate with a 4.0, but I was more focused on my schoolwork and wasable to bring up my GPA.
Then there isChristian’s billion dollar business. Ialways thought business was interesting. I had debated on majoring in it from the beginning, but decided againstthe idea. However, even though it is abit unrealistic to be a billionaire as young and as quickly has Christian Greydid, business people make good and decent money. This is perfect for my money hungrypersonality.
So with Ana’s intelligence,Kate’s boy crazy valedictorian personality, and Christian’s hardworking focuson his business, I finished school this summer with my Bachelor’s degree inLiberal Studies, along with both a minor and a certification in OrganizationalLeadership and Supervision. I still mayhave graduated, had I not read the books, however I would not have had as muchmotivation, or a positive outlook to conquer such an accomplishment.
I have always beenpretty boy crazy since I was old enough to start “dating.” Without going intomuch detail, I will just say I did not really portray much respect for my bodyas much as I should/could have portrayed. Ana has so much purity. Thoughshe was not as boy crazy as Kate, and focused mainly on her studies.
I wish I had done that and waited for theright person. Although I cannot go backto my teenage years and change things, I still can change the present and startrespecting my body and self as a person. By focusing on my schoolwork and whereI want to be in life has helped me to be smart and make better decisions.
My priorities have been reevaluated. For me, the books were an eye opener and abit of a wakeup. I can still be boycrazy, but I have learned to control myself and remember what isimportant. I am not just a piece ofmeat. I hope to have even half the love Christianand Ana have for each other in my future. The road I was going down was not “love” but infatuation. In fact, it was more of an irresponsibleimmature form of infatuation. I guess Icould say the books gave me the real meaning of love. And it makes the meaning even more special.
Change or“stepping out of my comfort zone” is not my cup of tea, per say. When I was a kid, (six or seven years oldmaybe) my parents listened to country music. My friends at school would always talk about how much they loved theBackstreet Boys or Britney Spears, and I basically despised the idea oflistening to anything but country. As Igot older, I clearly grew out of this stubbornness (I love a good ol’ ninetiesboyband jam session every once in a while).
With thus being said, I am sometimes a stickler for comfortability andsticking to the status quo. In Jr/Srhigh school, sports were my thing. Somekids played an instrument, or did theater or even multiple things at one time. I was strictly sports (I pretty much playedthem all). At twenty-three years old,all of the sudden I want to learn the piano, learn about art and literature, Ienjoy listening to Beethoven and Bach, my vocabulary continues to rapidlyincrease, and I just all together have completely different views onthings.
I realize a lot of this comeswith age, but again, the books have seemed to make me aware of the expansion ofmy knowledge and mind. I actually likeclassical music and admiring paintings and sculptures more than I havepreviously. Christian’s knowledge ofmusic pieces and art have made me want to open my mind up to these experiences. I think Ana’s ability to open her mind up tothe BDSM world sort of made me realize there is so much in this world that Iknow so little about from music to art to little things such as a wide range ofvocabulary. I almost wish I had exploredthese things as a kid.
Do I think thesebooks changed the person I am or the personality I contain? No. I think they just gave me the sort ofmotivation I needed in order to get on the right track again and to open mymind up to anything and everything because until you try, you just never knowwhat works for you as an individual. Iguess books tend to do this for a lot of people. Maybe not in the same way it did for me, butin other ways, too I am sure. I guess Inever realized it since reading was never a pleasure of mine. Again, maybe it just comes with age, but Ifeel like these books opened my eyes up to a lot.