I just don't want to do this anymore.
Everything I ever thought I'd be good for, I've failed. Everything I ever thought I'd have, I've already lost the opportunity to have. Every decision I've made has been the wrong one, and this is where it's gotten me.
Worse, I've never been good for anyone. I've harmed more people than I've helped. I've been almost nothing but a negative impact on the few people whose lives I actually had an opportunity to improve.
What do I even do? What am I even good for?
The only reason I'm still here is because I'm a coward.
I've got nothing to look forward to. I've got nothing to make myself worthwhile. I've got no one who wouldn't be better off without me.
And god, it sounds pathetic to even be thinking all this. What kind of whiny emo kid am I right now? Who gets THIS self-pitying?
I just don't feel like happiness is feasible for me. The life I always thought I had just isn't attainable. The person I thought I'd be isn't either, apparently. And where does that leave me?
…
But I don't want to hurt my mom.
You could have a hundred thousand reasons to do it. One reason not to is enough. Hold onto that reason.
It doesn't make you a coward. It makes you a person who can still find a reason to fight even while you're walking through hell.
It can be a selfish reason, like "I want to see how Game of Thrones ends," it can be a seemingly silly reason like "My pet fish would miss me," it can be a person or an idea or a goal. It can be anything.
If you have ten thousand reasons to leave this world and one reason to stay, grab onto that one reason. Repeat it to yourself like a mantra. If it gets you through the day, it's a good enough reason to keep going.
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