No one prepares you for college the right way. In movies all you see is big parties, students skipping class, and not maintaining healthy relationships. They don't show you how hard it is to keep your grades up, maintain a healthy relationship, keep and gain friends, and have a good job. You start to feel worthless like no-one can relate to you, and you try to surround yourself with a bunch of people but then you just ultimately just end up feeling alone. You start to feel all dark and twisty. You are barely getting through your classes with C's because you have so much going on. You feel like you are drowning and can't reach the surface to breath again.
Life hits you hard, and one when you think that you can't possible handle anything else you find out you are pregnant. Now on top of all the other things that couldn't possibly have stressed you out enough, the unthinkable happens. Not only are you scared shitless but now you have to figure out what to do. Is this minimum wage waitressing job, that you have going to be enough to support a tiny human? Is your family going to be mad or support you? Are they going to kick you out of the house? How am i going to continue to go to college since I'm only 19 I couldn't possibly be able to handle all of this being thrown at me at one time. Breathe. You finally get enough courage to tell your parents what is going on in your life, and they support you. You continue to take classes at college but only a couple because you don't want to over do it.
The day has finally arrived and you are due to give birth any minute. Once when the most painful yet blissful experience happens you get to hold your little baby girl in your arms. Leading up to this day you and your few friend have talked about what she was going to look like, who she was going to look like, the color of her hair, etc. But holding this tiny miracle in your arms you realize how perfect this moment is, and you wish that you could stay in that moment forever. This is the first moment you feel unconditional love for another person. Yes, you love your family, friends, and your significant other, but nothing compares the love you feel for this little baby you hold in your arms, you can't stop smiling, can't stop staring, can't stop crying from happiness. She is yours and she brought something out of you that no one has ever seen before, a light inside that has been out for a couple of years.
You realize that you have someone else, someone more important, to take care of, so you sign up for more classes determined to get a college degree. Some say things happen for a reason, but you my dear, you happened to save me. You turned my world right side up again, and I saw a better me. Now you're sitting in my lap, smiling up at me. Every morning I wake up to you running in to my room saying "Hi, momma" and give me a kiss and a hug. I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have you.
Thank you for saving me.
I love you baby girl.
