The conversation goes like this…
You’ve come over for drinks or a walk or just to meet up. We haven’t seen each other in awhile. You’re with someone new and spent a lot of time with them. You’ve met up with me today because the honeymoon phase is petering out, and you’re trying to balance friendships with your new relationship. It’s cool, we’ve all done it, hidden underneath a rock with our new boo. It happens.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’ve found someone. It’s wonderful that there’s someone new and exciting for you to spend time with.
However, from the start, I can tell something’s up. You mention a couple red flags here and there, but you haven’t realized that they are warning signals yet.
I try to remain as stone-faced as possible while showing you my profile. “Oh that’s fine,?? I say. “Guys do that. It’s normal.??
Lies. Why am I lying to you?
What can I say really? No, you shouldn’t stand for that? This isn’t typical behavior. You should keep your guard up? Watch out for yourself.
No. I don’t want you to poison your thoughts. I don’t want you to be cynical as I am. I’ve been there before in your shoes, gabbing to a friend asking for answers, but also fearing the response.
Now that I’ve been through it, I can spot the warning signs in a heartbeat. It’s like a drum sitting in the pit of my stomach, sending off a vibration throughout my whole body. Something is not right there.
But, I can’t say a word against it. How could I? It would be hypocritical of me to do so. I made just as many—perhaps even worse—judgment calls with my bad relationships, so who am I to tell someone not to travel down the road that I did? After being in a bad relationship, it’s so hard to watch others making the same bad decisions that I did. Yet, there’s nothing that I can do.
Even if I told you the warning signals, you wouldn’t believe me.
Not that it’s your fault. When I was in the same position, people tried to tell me what was what, and I wouldn’t listen. I still held on to a thread of hope that my friends were wrong, too, and I stayed in bad relationships far longer than I ever should have.
Yet, in the end, it was my decision when to leave. I had to reach a certain point before I said enough was enough, and that was my judgment call. No one could ever tell me to change my thoughts or heighten my standards. I needed to do that on my own.
All I can say is that after these bad judgment calls, I am the better for it even if only for the sole fact that I can now tell the difference of what is good and what is bad. I’ve learned what I will and will not put up with. I know I’m worth more than that sort of treatment.
You are too. That’s what makes watching you so hard.
I can’t tell you right now that this will go badly. I could be wrong, but I’m probably not. However, it’s a lesson you’ll have to learn all on your own. Just know that I will be there for you when it all blows up. I’ll be by your side through it, building up your self esteem and having long talks like this one.
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