I am done. I can’t and will not do this anymore.
I’m only hurting myself in the process of trying to help and be here for you.
I refuse to only be around when it’s convenient for you. I cannot only be talked to and cared for when you need someone to do the same.
I am not here to fill a void in your life.
I’m not here to provide some sort of relief for you in the moments in which you are at your lowest, or the nights that fill you with complete loneliness.
I am not here to act as the pieces of yourself that you have lost.
I am here and I’m a human being, looking for love just as everybody else is, just as you will be one day. I am just simply not the one that you love now, or ever will for that matter.
I aspire to love and be loved in return.
My desire is to grow with someone, not help someone grow just to be completely walked all over. I am worth more than a text every couple of weeks. I am worth more than a phone call every few months. I am worth more than the anxiety and wonder of when I will hear from you again because I’ve already gotten attached.
I refuse to give you the control over me that you used to possess.
Sometimes, our greatest efforts to help others end up hurting us in the process, and this one hurt me immensely. In hindsight, it hurts to know that every effort that was made meant nothing.
It was all for a moment of temporary relief with someone you could drain in order to fill yourself.
I let it go on for far too long. I let you drain the sincerity out of my heart and out of my life. I allowed you to take the words that were reserved for someone that actually cared, and I regret it.
I regret every time that I filled you with the strongest parts of me that left me feeling weak.
I took your pain because I thought I was the only one who could handle yours and my own at the same time. You played me for a fool and if you think I will be here the next time around, you are sadly mistaken.
I cannot allow you to use me in such extreme, destructive ways.
There is no person on this earth, no matter who they are, or what they have done that deserves this sort of weight. You had your chance with someone that was going to love you and love you with every ounce of their existence. You missed your chance at someone that saw past the guilt you carried.
Because slowly destroying someone has to slowly destroy you too.
You lost someone that did everything to keep you and for that, I missed out on finding someone that wanted to love me more than I knew possible. I missed out on someone that would look past the stupidity of my choice.
We both missed out and both of us are at fault, but I refuse to be anymore.