After months of bliss, my significant other and I had our first “real” fight. You know the one; drama, tears, questioning the entire basis of our relationship.
He had been having a frustrating week, I had been having a frustrating day, and without even realizing it I had taken my frustrations out on him. Thus, leading to a bit of a blowup for him, understandably.
When I asked him why he hadn’t told me earlier in the day that I was bothering him so I could have adjusted my attitude, he said, “Because I don’t want to change you. I don’t want you to change for me.”
It’s an endearing sentiment, really. It holds nothing but good intention.
But what is the path to Hell paved with, again? Oh, right…
What I didn’t tell him, but probably should have, was that I have already changed so much thanks to him.
He’s always so positive and full of light. In all my years of friendships and relationships, he probably has one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever encountered.
That in turn has made me a more positive person. My normally pessimistic self now has this desire to try to see the glass as half full.
He’s so giving; oftentimes offering so much that he forsakes even his own happiness.
That was the case on the day we had our argument. Even though I was frustrating him endlessly, he still kept trying at every corner to make me happy. He inspires me to do more for others; to not be so afraid of putting myself out there when other people need a helping hand.
He has dreams and aspirations that are awe-inspiring.
There’s hardly a day that goes by where he doesn’t get his fitness regimen in. He gets giddy when talking about his passion project. And he genuinely loves what he’s doing for a living.
Seeing him go out fearlessly and do what he has to do to make his dreams a reality has motivated me beyond words. Where I had previously only dreamed about writing a novel, taking piano lessons, or even just getting my butt into the gym, I am now doing or actively seeking out.
Then there are the little things too, of course.
Like how he showed me that I should group my utensils by type in the dishwasher, to make putting them away easier.
Or that an electronic toothbrush is so much more fun to brush my teeth with than a boring old regular one.
And that the eleventh Doctor on “Doctor Who” is pretty damn awesome, despite my love for the tenth. (I’ll never admit this one to him, though. He’d never shut up about it if I did.)
Relationships change you, that’s just the way it is. You should never be in a relationship that makes you change the very basis of who you are or breaks you down.
But being in a relationship that changes you in a positive way? That’s the best kind of relationship to be in.
That’s why I will always tell him to be honest with me if I’m getting on his nerves or there’s something about me that bums him out.
Who better to let me know I have something I need to improve on than someone who loves me? It’s not coming from a place of negativity, it’s coming from a place of support.
I want to change. I want to grow and be a better person. I sometimes need to be shown my shortcomings, so I can look inside myself and make my own choice on if it is something I feel I should work on.
I won’t change to be with him. But being with him has, and will, change me. And I’m perfectly okay with that.