I had a bad day a very bad day but little did I know things were about to get worse. I woke up in the hospital at 7:30 with no idea what was going on my friend had brought me Subway and I wasn't wearing the clothes I originally had on, I was in God awful paper green scrubs and really confused. The last thing I remember was Facetiming with my cousin in Illinois and that was at 2:30, so what happened in the hours that were missing that ended me up in the Emergency Room.?
I had apparently decided that I no longer wanted to live. It's no secret I've been battling depression for awhile anybody who knows me knows that I have been through a lot in the last two years of my existence and that it's finally all taking a toll on me. I mean getting kicked out of your parents house, losing two babies, being in an emotionally abusive relationship, having two grandparents that passed away during finals week, and having a new mental illness (bipolar disorder) can wear a person down after awhile. And I was honestly tired of feeling so worthless all the time. Don't get me wrong I am normally a happy go lucky person. I like to have a good time with my friends but something happened over the summer maybe it was getting pregnant for the second time but I didn't want to be around anybody. Ever. I wanted to be left alone and in bed 24/7 it was the only place I felt safe.
Finally my birthday passed. I went out with friends that I had recently made and that was fun but my anxiety kicked in and she's a bitch. I had to be completely drunk to even think about dealing with strangers. Another week passed and the thought of leaving my apartment terrified me completely. I had to make it to counseling though so on that Monday I went. Yeah, it was a bad day. I was in a bad mood and didn't want to be around people at all. After I went to counseling I was able to make it back to my homebase safely. But that's when things took a turn for the worse.
It was the shuffling of people outside my doorway while I looked up In-patient Facilities to possibly check myself into because I needed a break from life. Then it was the slamming of doors and people stomping upstairs and the smell of weed filling my apartment that I finally snapped. I texted a couple of friends and basically pleaded for them to help me because I couldn't take feeling so down about myself anymore. One of my best friends showed up and took my-cry-baby-self to the ER so I could get some help. Well, that landed me in a Psych Ward and let me tell you it was awful.
They escorted me out of that Emergency Room in handcuffs. IN HANDCUFFS!!! And put me in the back of the Tahoe and drove me to the police station where it went from just normal handcuffs to a belt that had handcuffs attached to a belt that had to go around my waist. *For those of you that don't know it's a hard bench in the back of a police car and backwards seatbelts and bars everywhere.* It was a two hour drive and it was already late but the cop was cool and he stayed with me until they took me behind double wooden locked doors.
Once inside they searched me, took my phone, wallet, and my shoes. They told me that they were going to be taking my bra from me too since it had underwire in it but the nurse was nice enough to let me keep it on for my stay. Honestly this is the part where I tell you about all the crazy things that had happened but I'm not ready for that just yet. But I will tell you I met a really good friend in there and I met people that I hope I never come across again. I was there for 8 very long days and I thought that there was no end to it. I was having medical issues that weren't being taken care of seriously and I was being sexually harassed by another patient. But in a weird way it saved me.
