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I Feel Like I Can Never Quiet My Anxiety

Anxiety isn’t just a term you use when you’re stressed about an exam, annoyed by the girl loudly snapping her gum, or excited about your upcoming vacation.

Anxiety overtakes you.

With anxiety, you are neither stressed, annoyed, nor excited.

You feel as if you’re trapped in a dark, confined space, grasping for even the slightest bit of air.

Your thoughts are spiraling, spinning from one thought to the next as if you were watching dominoes collapse inside your brain.

Make it stop. Please,  shut up!

But, it’s never that easy…

With anxiety, there is no such thing as pure and joyful happiness—if you have suffered from anxiety, I’m sure you already know that.

I’m sure you already know that a moment of happiness is surrounded by screams, cries, and yells from that thing we call a brain.

So many thoughts and fears firing, it’s like a war zone in your head.

Instead of enjoying the current state of what should be happiness…we are left worrying about what would happen if we lost this happiness.

We start to think of ways to hold on and ways to ensure that it doesn’t fade away…

What will happen when the post run, endorphin high fades?

What if I can’t keep this weight off and I stop receiving compliments?

What if this promotion isn’t permanent?

Do. Better. 

But instead, we chase it away—our brains do.

As if we weren’t crumbling to pieces already…

Our brain says, “do better.??  

So we fight.

We consistently fight ourselves and push ourselves to the ultimate limit because we are so desperately afraid of that “what if?? turning into our reality…

But living a life ruled by your own mind is exhausting.

You are at war with yourself, and even when you win, you really lose.

The battles never over, there will always be something new.

A new thought, a new game of dominoes you so desperately wish would end…

When it’s anxiety, it’s your brains world, and you’re just living in it…