You were perfect on paper, the shy boy act, you had a job, style… you were just a nice guy.
You pulled me in with your constant attention, your good morning texts, the calls, inside jokes and compliments.
I didn’t even notice the moment you were falling out of it, while I was falling in, I’m not talking a simple trip over a step fall, I fell faster than someone could say “stop”.
I only actually realized something was wrong when I was going to sleep one night, feeling like a stranger in my own bed, in my own home.
I realized I was slowly losing myself, I wasn’t being myself around you.
I felt like I was losing your attention. The attention that made me fall so deeply in love with you. So I quickly tried to accommodate your needs, making up excuses for you and your actions even though deep down I knew.
I knew it wasn’t just a bad day, you were done with me. You checked out awhile ago, I was in a relationship with nobody. The conversations felt like I was playing tennis by myself.
No matter how many times I asked for things to change and asked for the old you back, nothing changed. He was gone. I was fighting with an empty shell, no emotions, not a care in the world.
I broke things off because it was taking a toll on me, I didn’t like myself anymore. I was tired of wondering what I did wrong.
I couldn’t spend any more of my energy trying to fix something that wasn’t broken, It was just gone.