I’ve never lied about being broken. I’ve tried to conceal just how deep the damage is at times, but that’s just because I’m scared.
I’m terrified of scaring people away. That they will see the extent of my emotional decay and go running to the hills.
They will think that I’m a lost cause or that it would take too much to repair the years of damage that was wrought upon me.
So what I need known, is that I don’t need nor want anyone to fix me. Only I can do that, one day at a time.
What I need is someone that understands that and will support me through my own spiritual renovation.
If I lay my head on your shoulder, and then quickly pull it away again, bring me back again and hold me close.
I’m not used to being allowed to show I care in physical ways, and I need the practice.
If I’m clearly upset but I tell you “I’m fine,” remind me that you’re there for me if I need to talk.
Years were spent with me burying my feelings, out of fear of angering someone with them. Sometimes I need the reassurance that it’s okay for me to open up.
The days where I’m absolutely sure I look terrible, don’t tell me I’m being stupid or even that I’m beautiful.
Let me know that it’s okay to feel that way sometimes, but it’s far from true.
And on the days I push you away and tell you that I need to be alone, be there for me anyway.
Show up at my door with a hug, call to talk to me, or even send an email letting me know you’re thinking of me.
I’m a work in progress, and I’m relearning who I am day by day. I’m building up strength within myself that I had thought was long lost.
These are things that only I can do. But that doesn’t mean I want to do them alone.
I want you to see my transformation. To see how truly incredible I can be.
Because I know she’s in there, and she’s really going to amaze you. I promise.
