"I miss you and I can't sleep. Or right after coffee, or right when I can't eat. I miss you in my front seat. Still got sand in my sweater from nights we don't remember. Do you miss me like I miss you?"-Gnash.
You were my constant. When the world seemed to be crashing around me, you were the only thing that ever made sense. You were the one I experienced many of lifes hardships with.
You not only loved me at my best, but stuck with me through my worst. You were the one person that I thought would never hurt me. I gave you all of me.
There was not one day that I left you wondering if you were appreicated or loved. I would have done anything in the world for you, and I thought you would do the same for me.
I expected you to be the one person that never hurt me, that never let me down. You were the person I was supposed to build a future with, until one day you were no longer that person. Instead you became someone that left me feeeling constantly confused and dissapointed.
I never knew it was possible to love and hate someone all at the same time. I have never felt anger, hatred, love, empathy, and helplessness all at once.
Missing you, knowing you are no longer the person I once knew, is exhausting. I think I will always love you, but I will love the you that I knew. Not the person you have become.
You blindsided me. You gave up when things got hard. I thought you were someone that would fight for me, for us. But simply put, I was wrong.
When things became hard, you found comfort in the arms of someone else. Someone that will never know you, nor love you the way that I did.
I hope one day you realize you lost the only constant in your life as well. You lost the only person that ever truly cared about you more than they cared about themselves.
And when you finally decide to come to terms with this, it will be too late. Because while you were out "finding yourself", I was rebuilding my future. A future that no longer involves you or 'us'.
I'm not saying it's easy, or that there will ever be a day that you don't cross my mind. With time, I am learning to hold onto and smile at the memories, and am embracing my new found future.
But it is in the moments where I find myself missing you the most, that I have to remind myself that you are no longer the same person I loved, I only miss the person you were, not what you've become.
