You were my number one support system, you constantly believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. And that is what I miss the most.
Ever since we stopped talking, I’ve had a really hard time finding purpose and believing in myself again.
To say that I feel lost, alone, and helpless without you here would be an understatement. Truth be told, no matter how strong I seemed, I had very little confidence in myself. I was constantly questioning myself and then you came in and everything felt so effortless and natural.
From the darkest of days to the brightest, when we were together not once did you ever give up on me. And because of that, I felt like I could conquer almost anything. You saw me when I couldn’t even find myself.
You could see in me the things in life I could become. You were always there to remind me that there is a reason to believe I could do absolutely anything.
And lately, I’ve needed that more than anything because I’ve been so lost inside my own mind I don’t even know where to turn anymore.
Honestly, I don’t talk to anyone at all about it, because the ones I can open up to just wouldn’t get it. They wouldn’t really understand they way you would. They wouldn’t support and show me the guidance the way you could. If even at all.
When I look in the mirror, all I see is the truth. Someone who put a beautiful person through absolute hell. Somebody worthless, and capable of abusing such a caring woman. I still see myself for everything I did to you.
It’s a black cloud following me every day still. And I can’t seem to ever move past that guilt.
Because of that, I don’t think someone capable of doing what I did, deserves much more than nothing. And I’m afraid, I don’t let anybody believe in me anymore. Not even myself.
All I know is, I need you to still believe in me.